tryin' to throw our arms around the world

Days like today

2012-01-27T13:56:00.002-05:00

I love days like today. The weather might have a little something to do with it. The magic of warm (not hot) rainy days always gets me in a good mood - open windows, the warm air filling the house, the sound of rain. Not to mention Josiah only has one class today, and it's not until 2:00, so it's always fabulous having him home all morning.

Putting laundry away, doing dishes, reading the bible, making baby food, hymns playing in the background - simple, but pleasant. I like not having a lot to do. I'm hoping to get some reading done with Gee goes down for nap no. 2.

Making baby food is a chore that I thoroughly enjoy. I love knowing that what I'm putting into G's system is the best possible I can find, not to mention it's truly enjoyable. Today I made carrots and green beans. :) I also started putting coconut oil in before processing. The benefits of coconut oil are truly astounding, so why not get him started young? Babies need a lot of good fats, and vegetables are better absorbed with fats in them anyway. Win win. Coconut oil also serves as a wonderful body moisturizer, for those who may be concerned about possible formaldehyde or other yucky content in their lotions. :)

Today I've also been analyzing numbers for our budget. And oddly enough, it makes me excited. The word budget used to make me cry, but this semester, our church's small groups are doing "Financial Peace University" and it seems so empowering to know exactly where your money goes. I've had an account with mint.com for a while, but every time I become determined to stick with it, some enormous un-budgeted expense shows up, and I just give up. However, having it has proven beneficial in budget planning because I can get an actual gauge of how much we usually need for each category, and try to figure where we could cut back.

Funny story though, I almost had a minor panic attack looking over our spending habits as it said this past month we spent a ridiculously high amount on Food & Dining, aka groceries. Of course, I then went and looked over every expense. It was only then that I found a payment that Josiah had made for his bar prep course, which mint.com had classified as "Bars & Alcohol", which then fell under Food & Dining. I first breathed a sigh of relief, then laughed out loud and told Josiah. He didn't find it as amusing as I did. Bar prep course, indeed.

I didn't run today. I still might, but I might not. I've been self-Google-diagnosed with posterior shin splints. This usually happens when I get new running shoes, or when my current ones are on their way out. Unfortunately, my shoes fall in the latter category. Not too excited about this pending expense, but am excited to see how I can budget and save for them! I'm scheduled for an 8 miler tomorrow, and want to have fresh legs. Last week's 7 miler felt great, and I hope the same for tomorrow. The half marathon is 7 weeks from Sunday, and I'm excited!

Okay, my baby is cracking himself up in his jumperoo, so I am getting off the computer. Too cute to miss. :)

Lunch Lady?

2012-01-24T17:27:00.000-05:00

I really don't like lunch.

Not one bologna bit.

Breakfast I can get behind. Eggs, oatmeal, orange juice, the occasional splurge on pancakes, and don't get me started on the horrible deliciousness that are breakfast sandwiches. Easy peasy, and delicious. Dinner I enjoy; I like preparing it know that Josiah and I always will eat it together, and I enjoy making new recipes. But lunch. I hate lunch.

For one, I usually eat it by myself. Which wouldn't be such an awful thing if it didn't mean making a meal just for myself. I actually do like lunch foods: salads, sandwiches, soup, leftovers. I just really don't like making lunch for me and me alone.

These first-world frustrations could also probably stem from my poor ability to actually shop for lunch. When I go grocery shopping, I have my list of things necessary for the next few weeks of dinner, and buy the usual suspects of breakfast foods. But lunch always gets left to the wayside, save for the occasional purchase of lunch meats.

When I was working, I often would buy cans of soup for easy take to school/work meals for Josiah and me. It was only after buying them and sending them with him probably 3 days a week did Josiah confess to not actually liking canned soups. Well, darn it. It was all for the better though, as the ingredients they often put in canned soup are atrocious.

Leftovers are definitely both my and Josiah's favorite lunch food. All of the rewards and none of the work? Heck yes. Problem is, I can't always make a ton extra for dinners because we need that food for other dinners. And this whole lunch thing is getting to be a problem, because I'll just eat something super small to get by and not be hungry anymore, but I know I'm not eating enough, and that's a problem.

So, all of this to say, what do you all do for lunch? How do you shop for lunch? I need your wisdom bestowed upon me, because clearly I am lacking. Also, I need to know how to shop for packed lunch too, because Josiah is not always here and needs something to take. Basically, I just need help and a lot of it. K? Thanks a bunchleys.

Resolutions, Running (with friends), and REALLY?!

2012-01-23T17:34:00.002-05:00

This post was originally a heck of a lot longer. But I got sick of ~~hearing myself talk~~ watching myself write, so I deleted the whole thing, and opted for a miscellany Monday. Can't go wrong with a little miscellany!

Remember one and only resolution for 2011? Well I am here to tell everyone that I did not finish the bible in a year. I had some good reasons, and some not good reasons, but I will say that I finished the majority of the Bible in 2011, and should be completely done sometime in February. I'm excited.
I don't really have any resolutions for 2012. Just a few things I would like to get done:

Significantly improve my crocheting abilities.
Run sub-2 in my March half marathon.
Read 5-10 books.
Be a little closer to Jesus each day than I was the day before.
Make a pay-off-law-school-ASAP financial plan.
Use even more homemade and all-natural/organic products.
Maybe run the Atlantic City Marathon....?
Start dating my husband way more. :)

So I've ran with friends (and my husband...guess he's a friend? haha) three times since Christmas Eve, and I have to say...I love it. Seriously. So fantastic! Why didn't someone tell me sooner?!? I was on the "I fly (er, run) best solo" bus for so long that I never even bothered to see what I was missing! My best friend from college who is from the same hometown as myself asked if we could run together over Christmas. Wanting to see her/catch up, I said sure, but was very worried, but it was awesome! And has been ever since! Time just flies by, and you don't think about pain, you just run! A friend came with me for a 7 miler this past Saturday, and I loved every second of it. And I didn't even have any music. Friends, I'm growing up.
I'm a Patriots fan. Josiah is a Giants fan. I'm still licking my wounds from 2008. Needless to say, I was rooting for anything but this Superbowl scenario again. Pray for us, it's gonna be ugly.
(But at the end of the day, I love him more than any silly sport.)
Josiah will be in law school for a hair over three months more. Wow.
My sweet baby cut two teeth over these past two weeks! A late teeth bloomer, but as a nursing mommy, I am not complaining! He looks super cute though. :) And I'm glad the fussiness is subsided for now.
Would you lovely folks please take a second, visit this site, and vote for #10? First of all, it's clearly the best submitted poem, but also, it's written by my mom. :) Thanks!

Have any of you set any resolutions for 2012?

(If you already posted them, sorry. Me and blogging aren't as tight as we used to be!)

i hate television.

2012-01-19T15:47:00.001-05:00

weheartit.

This is going to step on a lot of toes, and I will do my very hardest to not judge the world (which I am guilty of far too often), but I will just say right now that I very much hate television.

But let's back up a few steps. I'm far too short to climb up on a high horse. I laugh right along watching The Office, get sucked right in to E! when it's on in my presence, and confess that while watching football, the millions of commercials for new television shows look mighty appealing. But in the long run, television is utterly appalling. And when I hear of people, especially fellow believers, says "Oh my gosh, I'm addicted to so many TV shows! It's so embarrassing.", my heart breaks a little. "Confessing" this addiction doesn't make it okay unless you're making an honest effort to stop, and it more often just makes others "confess" their addictions, which usually results in a half hour discussion of television favorites.

Television does not make us better people. It does not enhance relationships, it does not build character, it does not make us healthier, and it certainly does not draw us closer to Jesus. Rather, when it comes to most of these, it often does the opposite. Jesus might be calling, but the Kardashians are on TV right now, so can't He call back a little later?

I of course, would be able to write an entire series on my feelings towards the Kardashians and the fact that people are wasting lives watching them waste theirs, but will abstain from doing so.

I do not say these things to judge; I say them to implore the world to turn their televisions off and start living more. Need time with family? Play a game. Need to "veg"? Read a book (preferably not Twilight, though the decision is yours). Need a laugh? Hang out with the middle schoolers at your church. They're funny without even trying. Want to catch up on the news? Read a newspaper! And if that's just too extreme, cnn.com is an acceptable alternative that requires actual brain power for reading. Want a nice night in with your significant other? Look at pictures from years past. Read old letters that you wrote to each other. Have a dance party in the kitchen. Cook dinner together.

There's so much life to live! If all the people in television shows did was watch TV, the show wouldn't live past the pilot episode!

Not to mention the horrific things that are broadcast on public television on a daily basis. I have never seen the show Glee, but from what I hear of friends who used to watch it, there is a ridiculous amount of glorified sin on that show, some of which made my stomach literally churn. Why would we want that evil to live in our homes? I know Christian families obviously want their homes to be places of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control, and can pray that God would bless their homes with such. But wouldn't it be silly if we barricaded every entrance to our home against perpetrators, each with their own enormous bodyguard, making our homes the envy of the secret service, only to invite a burglar in through a window? Had the burglar tried to enter through the door, he would have been handled justly by our protectors, but there's not much they can do when we're inviting the enemies in ourselves!

But it's the same scenario when we invite sin and evil to live in our homes, not only through television, but through the music we listen to, the friends we spend time with, the gossip in which we partake, the priorities which we set for ourselves and on and on. No home will ever be without sin. But television specifically is such a deep portal for sin that can so easily be shut out of our lives. Why wouldn't we want to shut the proverbial window and stop inviting sin in our home?

I'm not telling you to throw out your TV or even to get rid of your cable. But being addicted to show after show is not only unhealthy, is not only a waste of a beautiful life, but can literally end up rotting your soul. And I know none of us want that. So turn off the TV, friends. Jesus is calling.

3.1 in 24:12. holla.

2012-01-18T06:30:00.000-05:00

I ran a 5k this weekend!

(reason no. 52 why I love small races: this sucker was just up on their website. no need to give them $3,400 just to remove the PROOF watermark)

(and yes, that's a Tim Tebow jersey. Judge away; I love that kid.)

(sidenote: by definition, I'm actually a Patriots fan and wore the jersey anyway.)

(Josiah gave me the jersey for Christmas!)

(I'll be dusting off the Patriots one for this Sunday. sigh.)

(sorry for the excessive parentheses)

Prior to this Saturday, I hadn't run a 5k since July of 2010, which, in case you forgot, was before I got pregnant. So needless to say, it had been quite a while and I was nervous as heck. There's no real reason for my getting nervous, I know I can run 3 miles. I just have this need to run 5ks faster than I ran my prior race so I put all this pressure on myself to run faster, and then mile 3 comes along and I feel like I'm going to barf (tmi) and wonder why the heck I sign up for this form of self-torture. But in all cases where I achieve a PR (personal record), I cross the finish line, walk it off (aka walk till I don't feel like barfing anymore) and bask in the achievement of running faster than last time, thinking to myself "Oh, that wasn't that bad...!"

It's a silly cycle, friends.

Runners are a bunch of kooks.

This was a brutally cold race at 33 degrees, and the wind did a number on my fingers. And lungs. Not to mention two of the three laps were around a lake, so the wind was that much colder coming off the water. But despite all of this, I felt great through the first two miles. All of mile 3 was nauseating, but it was a mental battle that I was able to fight through knowing that it was just one mile left to go. This was the first 5k I've ever ran with a Garmin, and it certainly helped keep me on pace, especially when I started to slow down without realizing. I ended up finishing in 24:12, which was a PR of 42 seconds. I was super stoked; I would've been happy with a time of 24:30, but finished much better than I had hoped or expected.

About to cross the finish line.

The above picture was lap 2; this was lap 3.

The difference in my facial expressions is certainly...humorous.

Of course, I must give much lovin' to my handsome and his mini-me for braving the cold to cheer me on! Since it was supposed to be so cold, I planned on going solo, but Josiah insisted on coming. I didn't put up much of a fight. :) They thankfully had outdoor heaters for the spectators, so they didn't freeze too badly, but they were super chilly nonetheless. Love those handsome men of mine. Sigh.

It's easier to stay warm when you're dressed like a bear. <3

And I ended up getting 2nd place in my age group! (no. 1 why I love small races: good chance of placing!) I've never gotten 2nd before; 1st once (it was a fluke), and 3rd a few times, but never 2nd. I was, and am, excited. We couldn't stay for awards, however, because a little someone had swimming lessons. :)

Now it's just back to plain ole half marathon training. To say running intervals and tempo runs is not as exciting as a 5k PR is a drastic understatement. But alas, the show must go on. That's not the right proverb, is it? Let me know if you think of the correct one; my brain is a little distant at the moment. Seriously though, I've set pretty lofty half marathon goals for myself, and if I even want to dream about accomplishing them, tempos and intervals it is. Shucks.

(too tired to watermark. please don't steal my pictures, k? thanks, friends)

starting here.

2012-01-16T09:22:00.002-05:00

The other day, I made the mistake of going to the website of All God's Children International, the adoption agency through which my parents adopted Elly. Bad idea. I casually clicked over to the photo listings of special needs children, and instantly fell in love with a little 7 year old boy from Taiwan with a cleft lip and a smile that will melt the coldest of hearts. My heart ached for his little sweet self, and would've have volunteered to be his mommy in a second if God had so prompted.

It's true, I already have baby fever. Not so much that I would like to be pregnant again. That is actually what will keep us from having another baby for a little while yet. But when I just love being a mommy to my little boy so much, wouldn't I love being a mommy twice as much to two babies? And with my parents adopting again, and the news of Lauren adopting again, and while reading Kisses from Katie and hearing her description of the millions of orphans who go to bed without a mommy every night, my heart aches so much for children out there I would call my own in a heartbeat. Or even for women and young girls, who can't take care of their babies at the moment and see abortion as their only option, both Josiah and myself would beg, plead with her to keep the baby, and we would love to call him our own in a millisecond. But Jesus says, not yet.

It makes my heart ache all the more, feeling as though pieces of my heart are in Africa, some are in Asia, some are in countries I've never even heard of, some are with the women in the car on the way to the abortion clinic, while of course most are with my own beautiful baby whose smile I fall in love with more every day. But God says to those outside of my home, not yet.

Of course it's a little ridiculous. Josiah is still in law school (though not for too long yet), Gee is only 8 months old, and let's be honest, I have a hard enough keeping up with the laundry with just the three of us. But I know that should God send another child (or two or three) to this home, whether through my womb or someone else's, His grace would be sufficient through every day and every pile of laundry. But He still says, not yet.

I get a little sad. "But Lord!", I exclaim, "So many children need mommies, and I am willing! Why ever not?" But that's not for me to know right now. What is for me to know is that while I can't serve God the way I would like at the moment, I still need to serve Him right now anyway. I need to love on those people who just really annoy me. I need to do the dishes with a joyful heart, not a resentful one. I need to abstain from gossip of any kind. I need to edify, uplift, adore, love more than any other soul, and continually pray for my husband. I need to call my family more often. I need to do what He asked of me weeks ago. And I could always get being a mommy to one baby down a heck of a lot better. I need to start here.

I write this today because I need to remember. I need to remember that while God may say wait, He doesn't often say to stop moving. Yes there are a lot of broken people, broken children, in this world who need love (and a mommy), but there are a lot of broken people right here int my midst that need love too. And that is where God wants me to start. So I will keep moving, by His grace alone, but still might anxiously await the day when God says, it's time. :)

8 months.

2012-01-14T17:27:00.000-05:00

8 months old, and he's already playing with toy cars. My sweet boy is growing up so fast!

(and only posting this a day late? I'm doing good.)

Sleeping: He's doing great! Other than a few disruptive nights, he's only been waking up once or twice a night. He falls asleep by himself for almost every sleep (after nursing) and is hardly awoken, even amid noise.

Eating: He eats two meals a day, usually a mix of carrots, squash, zucchini, butternut squash, and occasionally broccoli. I've been adding more cereal into the bowl because he eats SO much! I will make an unbelievable amount of vegetables and it only ends up lasting me a week. His meals are generally an adult sized bowl full. And this is that I'm nursing 4-5 times a day still. Yes, I am a mother to a boy. I also let him gnaw a little on my banana today (his first taste of anything sweet), and he was a fan. :)

Habits: Pushing himself up constantly on his hands and knees. No crawling yet, but again, noooo rush. :)

Likes: Reading stories. Swimming lessons! (he loves to splash) Playing with his toys, especially his wooden truck. Putting everything in his mouth, always. Blowing spit bubbles. Trying to get his hands on daddy's iPhone. Playing peek-a-boo with his feet.

Dislikes: Lately, he cries when I put him down to change his diaper, but once the changing starts, he's fine. Weirdo.

Highlights: He cut his first tooth! He had been fussy for about three nights in a row, which was exhausting, but then he was chewing on my finger and I felt a little something! I for one was not glad it took him this long, but am glad we got through at least one. We're on the lookout for number two! He's also grown out of the majority of his 6 month clothes, though I'm still trying to stretch out their use. :)

Also, finding him like this was so precious:

(yes, he is passed out)

Poor baby.

Another Vlog! (aka laziness at it's finest)

2012-01-06T14:55:00.000-05:00

It's true. I'm just not up for writing all the posts that I would like, and talking is a lot easier than typing.

Boom.

Enjoy. Or don't.
Either way, we're still cool.

I'm so embarrassed. I really did start this post on December 13th...

2012-01-02T16:47:00.000-05:00

[Seven month update, just a wee bit behind schedule]

Well, it's official. My baby boy is truly closer to age 1 than to age 0. Part of it makes my heart a little sad, but to be honest, I have loved every month even more so than the one before, and month seven is no exception. Be forewarned, this sucker is going to be long. Someone has had a particularly eventful month!

Coming home to this = heart.melted.

Sleeping: It's still a toss up. I've figured out that most of the time, if he goes to sleep later (between 9 and 10), he wakes up less often during the night. But sometimes he's just so exhausted that he'll go down between 8 and 9 and then ends up always waking up more than once. These past few days have been particularly rough because no matter what time he has gone down, he's woken up several times. He has had a runny nose and a lot of congestion, and hence the past few nights have resulted in some pretty ugly coughing fits. It only happens when he sleeps at night though. He is fine while he naps, which he does 2-3 times a day. He is getting so good at falling asleep by himself for naps! He doesn't do it for every nap, but for many of them. Also, we did end up trying his bed out in the second room, of which I wasn't a huge fan. I got less sleep because I would wake up more going to the other room rather than just bringing him in bed to nurse. We ended up bringing him back to our room when my brother came to visit after Thanksgiving, and have kept him there since. I prefer the ability to just sit up to check on his breathing rather than trek across the apartment, and he didn't even really sleep better away from us anyway.

Eating: This has been a big month for eating! After taking him in for his six month doctor appointment, the doctor said that I was free to start him on new foods whenever I wanted. Or I could keep nursing till he is two. I did appreciate the doctor giving me the full choice, rather than telling me what I should do. Anyway, we ended up starting new foods since he's one hungry little man, and he loves everything. Though the first time we tried carrots, he gagged every time he swallowed. It was quite entertaining. But since then, he was fine. He's also had sweet potato, butternut squash, and avocados. All but the sweet potato I have prepared for him myself. It's easier than it seems!

We also tried teething cookies, which he absolutely LOVES, but chews through them way too quick and gags on the broken pieces we don't catch. Needless to say, those are taking a break for a few months. :)

Habits: Yesterday he took his first "shuffle" forward! I'm definitely one who won't mind if he holds off on the mobility for a while yet, but it is exciting to see him try. :) He's getting real good at pushing up on his hands and knees, he just doesn't have the coordination to move his arms and legs yet. He can turn himself around when he's on his belly, and still rolls like nobody's business. He has also started sitting up! Josiah was the one who patiently helped build up his strength, and I'm so grateful. Life will be much easier when he's not so wobbly.

And as I write this, he's scooting backwards with his feet while he's on his back. Life is going to get a lot more busy in this household. Prayers appreciated. :)

Likes: Eating. Being pulled around the house by daddy. Dancing around the house with daddy. Eating. Jumping in his bouncer. Going on daddy's shoulder. Seeing that I'm preparing his food. Little foot rubs.

Dislikes: Getting his nose wiped. Being put down for a nap when he's not tired. Being awake when he's super sleepy.

Highlights: Seeing all of his new milestones this month has been so amazing! Sitting up, eating new foods, "shuffling" around the house - it's amazing being a mommy to this little boy!

NYC Marathon Part II, or "These Streets Made Me Feel Brand New"

2011-12-19T08:35:00.000-05:00

{Read part I here.} So where were we? Oh yes, I was alone. Again. Really though, it wasn't that bad. I checked my bag in, took a picture for a guy wearing unfortunate Eagles paraphernalia, found a port-a-potty, and sooner than to be expected, I was walking towards the starting gate. The nerves started kicking in high gear, but I tried to psyche myself into excitement that HEY I was about to run the New York City Marathon. Didn't work, and I just found myself in pure misery in the standstill of runners, as I listened to conversations of one girl who was bitter about being in such a slow corral, but made the excuse of her slow prior marathon times being that she was still "...hung over from the night before." So, maybe if you stopped getting drunk the night before running 26 miles, you could qualify for Boston? Moving on.

via

We finally started shuffling forward, and I thought about the elites whose dust we were eating, undoubtedly within inches of the finish line as we barely stumbled our way through the start. I wasn't bitter about it, though being done in time for lunch would have been nice.

So then we were stopped again, and I hear the MC (not Hammer, sadly) introducing such and such who sang the National Anthem and before you know it, Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" was blaring over the loud speakers as the MC then yelled out "The streets of the greatest city in the world are yours! Have a great run." Not kidding folks, even after all of this, I was still in this not-so-pumped-up funk. It was terrible. Here I am about to run the greatest marathon on the planet, and I'm not even fully comprehending, appreciating, or even being excited about it. Yeah, not fun. But the race goes on, with or without excitement.

And there I was. Running the New York City Marathon.

Here's how it went.

Miles 1-2: The Verrazano Bridge. They start the race on a straight up incline. Not exactly a boost to the self-esteem, but the view was nice. I still wasn't feeling it. I got super hot from the sun beaming down on the bridge, so I tossed away my gloves and started regretting my choice of attire. My pace was slower than my hoped for average of 10:15, but I didn't panic. I realized that I was very very hungry, and regretted not eating all of my PB and honey rolls. But again, I didn't panic, and told myself to make a point of getting Gatorade at every stop for the first few miles.

Mile 3: Gatorade stop. Slowed down and drank the entirety of the cup, then kicked it back into gear before my Garmin yelled at me.

Miles 4-6: I was pretty distracted with keeping my pace and drinking Gatorade at every stop to get calories in my favor. Still not in my groove yet, but getting there. And I was certainly loving the crowds by this point!

Miles 7-14: Pretty much a blur. I remember the awesome crowds in Brooklyn, the bridge that brought me to the halfway (13.1) point, and running under the overpass right before the Queensboro Bridge. I was feeling great about my pace - I was running hard, but wasn't killing myself, and I was right on track for my goal time. These first 14 miles truly just flew by. Not that I was flying. The time, however, felt like it. Running with 47,000 other people really keeps the flow of your legs moving.

Mile 15: The Queensboro Bridge, better known as "The Ever-Climbing Bridge of Death". Holy Moses. I vaguely remember talk of a bridge at mile 15, and let me tell you, there was a BRIDGE at mile 15. It never stopped. It just kept going up. And up. And up. And up. And then when I finally talked myself into thinking that the people in front of me were actually going down, I was wrong. They were actually going up. And then it went up some more. And more. And more. And then finally, after we were going up for what felt like forever...we continued going up. Okay I do realize that it's just starting to get annoying now, but unless you ran the darn thing, you will never know from words the agony that was the Queensboro Bridge. It broke me. There were many an incline leading up to the bridge, but I always managed to make up any time lost going up while running back down. By the time the Queensboro started to descend (I know, miraculously, it did) I was completely winded, and couldn't push my self to catch back up, though I certainly did try.

And despite the aforementioned agony, I knew my family was waiting for me at the end of the bridge, and that certainly helped. I only was able to catch sight of Josiah, and started slowing down ~~because I was dying~~ to say hi and blow him a kiss, when he yelled out "Don't STOP! Keep running!"

Well, fine.

{Just kidding. Love you, babe.}

Miles 16-17: Alternatively titled, "The Mile that Hates Me". In nearly any training run I have had that was over 18 miles, mile 17 and I have a boxing match. I do not always win this boxing match. Actually, most often, I lose, but manage to come out alive. During my longest run (24 miles) I truly felt like I was punched in the stomach during mile 17. I flat out couldn't breathe. But I came out alive - barely.

I knew it was coming, and when it came, it was as mean as ever. But I pushed on, with tears misting in my eyes and body shutting down, and whispered out loud

"You will not defeat me.

You will not defeat me.

You will NOT defeat me."

And it didn't.

Mile 17 was only 5 seconds slower than mile 14, right before the bridge.

Mile 18-20: It was hard. So unbelievably hard. After "conquering" mile 17, I did not all of a sudden receive a miraculous second wind and burst my way to a BQ. I only grew more tired, and my shoulders hurt like you wouldn't believe. Probably because I was pumping my arms like crazy just to keep my feet going one in front of the other. From the the 16th to 19th miles, we ran down First Avenue, which I had been warned wass a steady incline that slowly burned you into misery. But after my ugly encounter with the Queensboro, I didn't even notice the elevation change. I was pretty much on auto(survival)mode. The 20th mile is when we entered the Bronx, where we greeted by a man rapping "Welcome to the Bronx! Welcome to the Bronx!" Even amid my agony, I had to chuckle. Welcome to the Bronx, indeed.

Mile 20-23: I took walking breaks. A LOT of them. Everything hurt so badly. I thought often how stupid marathoning was, and swore to myself at least 5,628 times that I would never do this again. But God was awesome. Seriously. Running for Team Samaritan's Purse, and Children's Heart Project specifically, really put things into perspective. Even as hard as the most painful parts of the marathon were, it was nothing compared with the pain those mommies feel seeing their children suffer, not knowing whether they will come out alive or not. I said on my fundraising page that I would run to the ends of the earth if my baby's heart were hurting, and it's true. I would. So I really took it as an honor to run these 26 miles for something bigger than myself; for these mommies with hurting, sick babies. It truly was what got me through those ugly, ugly miles.

Miles 23-25: When I stopped for a drink near the end of mile 22, I told myself that was it. No more walking. I was going to run the last three miles without stopping if it killed me (which at that moment, I was pretty sure it would). In a sports movie-esque fashion, I crumpled up my Gatorade cup, threw it down in a fury, and started to run as fast as I could. Which at that point was about a 10:54 pace. It was fast for that moment, okay? I ran that first mile and thought, well darn it, two more miles to go. It may as well have been 80. But my family was waiting up at mile 25, so I just solely focused on getting through one more mile. I told myself just to get to my family. Don't worry about anything else. Well, the mile 25 marker came, and they were nowhere in sight. So I kept running, kept looking. Still not there. So I kept running. There had to be around here SOMEWHERE! Well it must have been at mile 25.8 where they were waiting. Can't blame them, I would want to be close to the end, too. When I finally reached them, they all started screaming my name and Josiah held Gee up so high for me to see. He was crying. And that was it. I had to get to that finish line and get to my baby. He was crying, and he needed his mommy, and I was going to get there if it killed me.

Mile 26: "One more mile to go" is not as comforting as one might think. In case you have a problem understanding this magnitude, let me try to paint it for you. One mile is four times around your regular high school track. High school tracks are not small. So imagine that you ran around said track one hundred times, and then were told that only four (or five-ish, for that nasty .2) more times around and you'll be done. Would you be comforted? I'll answer that for you: NO. I felt good though, my legs were just on autopilot at this point, and I knew that in hindsight, this distance really wasn't that long. I was not a fan, however, of the sign that said "Half a mile to go." Half a mile never seemed so long.

But then I ran past the huge crowds, turned the corner, ran a straightaway, and all of a sudden the grandstands appeared and I saw the most beautiful sight I could have possibly imagined.

The finish line of the New York City Marathon.

This was it.

I had dreamt about this race for fourteen years. Even before I knew that a marathon was 26 miles long, I wanted to run New York City, and here I was.

I gave it one final (undoubtedly pathetic) push, and of course, what happens? My calf started cramping up. I've never experience a calf cramp ever in my running career. Go figure. So I shuffled/trotted/ran on my toe and less than 4 hours and 40 minutes later, I crossed the finish line.

Not pretty, but I wasn't exactly posing!

I was handed my medal, and became emotionally overwhelmed that I did it. Six months after having a baby, I ran the New York City Marathon and shaved 35 minutes off my prior time. That's not just luck, friends. It was a miracle that I believe was truly handed down to me from heaven. There is truly no way that I could have set out to do that on my own and succeeded. I know myself, and I know the way my body works, and the math just doesn't add up. This was truly a miracle.

I was planning on having this be the last installment of my marathon recap, but I think this is a good place to end for now. I'll do an "epilogue" later on with a more colorful narrative of the greatest race in the world and also, I will go into further detail on the worst 45 minutes of my life (not really) and how I blamed it all entirely on Mary Wittenburg. Good times.

Thanks for reading., <3

Sometimes I pretend that I am crafty and that my home is clean.

2011-12-12T07:00:00.000-05:00

Josiah and I did not go home for Thanksgiving this year. He doesn't get extra time off for the holiday, and his school schedule just didn't permit for that drive up to New Jersey, plus all the time away from studying. However, we were blessed by dinner at his professor's house! And in preparation for heading over there, I knew I wanted to bring a hostess gift, but flowers just didn't seem to cut it. So, enter Chloe's "striving to be Pinterest worthy" cookie mix in a jar:

Yes, I know this is not an original idea. But I had very little to work with, which makes the end result that much more impressive. At least to myself. I had no lid for the cleaned out tomato sauce jar. The ribbon was from a baby shower gift, and the material was leftover from an apron I made for my mom last Christmas. I ended up cutting out a plastic circle from a yogurt lid and hot-gluing it to the fabric as a make-shift lid. I also glued the ribbon so that the part that wrapped around the lid was half the width. And the rubber band that kept the fabric in place under the ribbon? I took it off the asparagus.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I was pretty proud of myself.

So of course, I took a picture, and planned to document this craft win. I'm slowly but surely catching up in this crafty/thrifty race. I cleared off my coffee table, and took the picture over several times so that it looked good. I even moved Gee's playmat from the background. No need for Mr. Octopus to photo bomb my moment of craft glory.

But then I thought...

wait a second.

[or rather the Holy Spirit prompted...]

Is this what I want to remember? A jar that I put together with very little resources taken in an immaculate setting that is free of the realistic clutter of my house? Free of the people of my house?

No, no I don't.

One day, Gee will stop using the playmat. And on that day, I might be wishing that Mr. Octopus would sneak in on my moments of glory. I'll want to remember life as it was, not how I portrayed it to be. So here it is folks. This is how my coffee table really looked on Thanksgiving morning.

1. Newspaper containing Black Friday goodness. My handsome bought it for me. :)

2. Gee's baby books. We keep them stacked underneath the table, on hand for easy reading.

3. My NYC Marathon medal (for easy access, of course), which is then on top of a prayer guide from Samaritan's Purse and the latest editions of Runner's World and Student Lawyer.

4. Library book, our wedding photo book, the NYC Marathon edition of The New York Times.

5. My wallet, better known as my purse. Because really, moms of babies don't have purses.

6. Gee's jumperoo. \

AVGGZRSAEWAD143Qfv1

79KYUHVB78ijuhgv

(And that's what Gee has to say about his jumperoo. Or about the fact that it took his mommy so long to get him from the agony that is rolling around on the floor.)

7. Josiah's "Bobble". The water from the water fountain at law school is not so pleasant tasting, hence the filtered water bottle.

8. The cookie mix. Which is clearly not alone on the coffee table.

9. My most favorite people in the entire world.

No, neither my life nor my home are picture perfect. But it's the beautiful life that God has given me; it's the home that I love that holds the people I love.

And for that, I guess it is picture perfect.

Lake near the professor's home, Thanksgiving 2011.

No need for me to keep up with Joneses blogger-style. You'll never see me do an outfit post, because most of the time, they're just not post worthy. Yes I use cloth diapers, but only because they're cheaper. My husband is a handsome, godly, hard-working man, but he is not a perfect man and sometimes he just plum drives me nuts. Our marriage is not a perfect marriage. Gee still wakes up 1-4 times a night at almost 7 months old. I haven't cleaned my bathroom sink in weeks. My "Uggs" are from Costco. And my camera is a 4 and 1/2 year old point and shooter.

But I much prefer my messy life the way God gave it to me. Not the way I may sometimes wish it is, nor the way I could portray it on my blog if I chose. The way it is. So excuse me while I go try and get pureed carrot out of my carpet and tend to the messy child who put it there.

Epic Fail, or alternatively titled "Giveaway Winner"

2011-12-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

So, remember my Shabby Apple giveaway? The one with the pretty purple dress? The one where the winner would be announced December 3rd? Yeah, that one. Yes I realize today is the 5th. My bad. No good excuse, I just plum forgot.

I didn't feel like print screening random.org, but on my honor, the winner was chosen randomly on the first try. So who was it?

Blair!

This story made me laugh, only because I'm surprised that this same thing didn't happen to me in middle school. I was the same way. Congratulations Blair! Email me (or get in contact through one social network or other) so I can set you up with that pretty dress!

Thanks to all who entered. Wish I had pretty dresses for all of you. <3

Be Still?

2011-12-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

I've seen many a picture circulating on Pinterest and the internet world utilizing the above verse. I can't say I blame anyone. It makes for beautiful artwork, and is a powerful statement that I found myself resting assured in more than once.

It wasn't until two weeks ago when my thinking was completely altered. Our pastor talked about this exact verse, how Moses was comforting the Israelites who already wanted to go back to Egypt, even though they just left. The Egyptians were hot on their tails, so to speak, and they were scared. So Moses tells them, "Don't be afraid. Stand firm and see the LORD's salvation. He will provide for you today; for the Egyptians you see today, you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you must be quiet." Exodus 14:13-14 HCSB It's the latter part of this little chill-out speech that makes its way into our Christian mantras, but as my pastor pointed out, let's look for a moment at verse 15 and beyond:

"The LORD said to Moses, 'Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the Israelites to break camp. As for you, lift up your staff, stretch out your hand over the sea, and divide it so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. I am going to harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them, and I will received glory by means of Pharaoh, all his army, and his chariots and horsemen. The Egyptians will know that I am Yahweh when I receive glory through Pharaoh, his chariots, and his horsemen.'"

I'm no theologian, but that doesn't sound like being still to me.

Instead, God tells them to move forward. Not to stay stagnant and useless in their fear, but to move forward so that God may receive the glory. Maybe this is a problem we have in our churches today. They tell us to be still when God is shouting at us to move forward, to fall on our faces in prayer, to cry out for the lost and for the persecuted church, to take care of the orphan and the widow literally, to study the scriptures with everything we have, to live past ourselves and our self-inflicted problems and start loving the Lord our God with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength and to let that love outflow through us and dictate our every move. It's certainly a lesson that is completely backed up by scripture. And one that I am in ever need of learning, and living.

Not that there is never a need to be still. That's absolutely not true. God speaks to us in the still, small voice, and if we crowd our lives with a lot of "noise", we will never hear Him. Being still is what enables us to move forward. Our Christianity doesn't stop and end with our quiet times, our quiet times are our pit stops to refill our souls, rejuvenate our spirits, and fill up on the strength and joy of Jesus so that we can keep going. And there will be times when God calls us to prolonged moments or days or weeks of stillness, but only so that as end result, we can keep going.

So yes, the LORD will fight for us, but not so that we can remain still, but rather that He can do miraculous things like parting the Red Sea, and in the end, receive all the glory. And this sometimes requires us to break camp, leaving all that is comfortable, and take a step out into the sea of the unknown, knowing that God is in control.

Christmas Cards!

2011-11-29T11:09:00.001-05:00

Confession:

I have not made my Christmas cards this year.

We haven't even gotten our pictures taken. Yes, I know that December is two days away.

I toyed with the idea of not sending out cards this year, because hey, I just didn't feel like it. Until I remembered that it is my baby's first Christmas, and well, that is just not really an option. I was actually dreading the task until I came across these super adorable ones from Tiny Prints:

I absolutely love how the text overlays on the picture! So often I've found the perfect card only for it not to work with the picture I had chosen.

And this style comes in a Christmas card ornament.

#dyingofcuteness

I also love this shape.

And how cute is the model couple?

I secretly want Josiah and us to be them, all cute and snuggly-like in the snow. Too bad it's fifty-five degrees outside. Moving on.

{All cards found here}

I don't know that this will be the final card we decide on, as I'm the most indecisive person alive and Tiny Prints has way too many cute ones from which to choose. But these ones are speaking to me for now.

Now just to get our pictures taken.

Note: I received free cards as a result of this post, but these opinions are my own because goshdarnit, I won't be bribed! Unless of course, you would like to pay for law school. Then we can talk.

NYC Marathon: Part I

2011-11-28T12:49:00.000-05:00

New York City Marathon, wow.

Be forewarned, this is going to be one really really really long race recap. As in, it has taken me over ~~a week~~ two weeks to part I. Don't say you weren't warned. But first, a few stats:

Overall: 29,202/46,795

Female: 8,565/16,928 (Barely missed the top 50%!)

Age (20-24 F): 345/636

I was in the lower 50% for all categories, though just barely in the female/age categories. But this does not discourage me in the least. This was a race against the odds and against myself, and I can honestly say that I won both. Let's start at the very beginning...

(a very good place to start!)

Okay sorry. Had to get that out of my system.

Moving on.

I flew to NYC with Gee on Thursday. He was an angel baby the whole plane ride. Mom and siblings picked me up, we drove over to the expo, spent way too much time there, Gee had a meltdown from being overstimulated, and we drove home. Spent time with family, went shopping for baby, caught up with my older brother, dinner with my grandparents, and the like. Gee wasn't adjusting so well to schedule changes, and I was bombarded with seasonal allergies and tight hamstrings, both of which seemed to drop on me out of nowhere. Needless to say, race day was worrying me hardcore, both for myself and for my baby whom I would be away from for 10+ hours. But I was continually reminded by the One who got me through training that He would get me - and my baby - through race day. I only had to trust.

Josiah showed up Saturday night, and I was a wreck. My family was out at a church event, and Josiah & Gee went to bed early so I fended for myself for my pre-race dinner. I ate alone and painted my nails green. Not exactly inspiring or motivating in preparation for the race I've been dreaming of since forever. But I don't begrudge anyone - I was in such a state that even if a huge dinner was cooked for me and I watched Rocky, Rudy, and every other cliche/inspirational sports movie imaginable, I think I still would have been a wreck. I eventually went to bed after my family came home, and tried to sleep.

3:30am came and I was wide awake. (Thank you daylight savings?) I fed Gee and made myself stay in bed until 4:00, after which I got up and started packing my bag. I got ready and tried not to panic, but it wasn't working. Josiah came downstairs with Gee because a little someone decided not to go back to sleep and said he would drive me to the shuttle, in hopes of the baby going back to sleep in the car. Ended up my mom drove me and we still took Gee so that Josiah could get some sleep.

My not-really-awake husband sending me off. :)

We got to the shuttle location around 5:45. According to the website, the buses were running from 5-6am from this location. Turns out, they actually ran until 7:00, but I didn't find out till I got there. Moving on.

At the bus stop.

I fed Gee and loaded him up with kisses one last time, bid my mother farewell, and walked to the buses. I'm getting nervous just thinking about it, and I already ran the stinkin' race. Sheesh. Anyway, the bus ride wasn't so eventful. I sat next to a South Korean who fell asleep, and eavesdropped on conversations in front of and behind me, both with runners who run 7 minute miles and 3:20 marathons. I get ecstatic when I break 10 minutes. No big deal. We all arrive at the starting village and I just follow the signs to the orange wave, where I was assigned. I knew no one, and it seemed like everyone else did, so for the first hour, I walked around getting everything free, got a cup of tea, ate some of my peanut butter and honey rolls and got my picture taken in front of the Verrazano.

I'm a lot more nervous than I look.

Like, A LOT.

Then I plopped down on the nearest available curb space and started chatting with a woman originally from Ireland, but who currently lives two towns over from my parents. It was her first marathon, and her goal time was under 4 hours. I applauded her awesome goal time, and confessed that I would be ecstatic with a 4:30. Then we started talking to a man from London, who was also running his first marathon. How awesome to have your first marathon be the New York City Marathon! Cool, and also frightening.

Soon after, Irish friend left to find her real friend, and it was just me and the Brit. Then I look over and see some pink hair, and it was none other than Tonia from Racing with Babes. Out of 47,000 runners, what are the odds of her standing 20 feet from me? It definitely pays to have pink hair. I ran over and introduced myself (she is super sweet!), and got a picture before she and my British friend left for the Wave 2 start. And then I was alone.

Alex, me, Tonia.

Part II to come. Hopefully soon.

thanksgiving is a mindset

2011-11-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

1. Jesus teaching me.
2. Jesus loving me.
3. Beautiful baby boy.
4. Adoring husband.
5. Jesus-loving friends.
6. Family.
7. Warm home.
8. Chances to love.
9. God's timing.
10. Running.
11. God using running.
12. Christians fearlessly following.
13. Sound of rain.
14. Sleeping babies.
15. Smiles through tears.
16. Telephones.
17. Calls to home.
18. My wedding rings.
19. Needs miraculously met.
20. Time with Jesus.
21. A working car.
22. Hard working husband.
24. My tutoring job.
25. Law school.
26. God knowing better.
27. Hymns.
28. Baby laughter.
29. Rainy days.
30. Healthy body.
31. Healthy family.
32. Baseball.
33. Missionaries.
34. Prayers of friends.
35. Spotify.
36. Worship playlists.
37. Pictures from home.
38. New Jersey.
39. Virginia.
40. Refining fire.
41. Non-profit organizations.
42. My little computer.
43. Blogging.
44. Waking before sunrise.
45. Waking after sunrise.
46. Promises from scripture.
47. Believing those promises.
48. Living past self.
49. Supernatural compassion.
50. Supernatural joy.
51. Ballet.
52. Good surprises.
53. Holidays.
54. Snuggles with handsomes.
55. Baby knowing mommy.
56. Awesome church family.
57. The beach.
58. Forgiveness.
59. The musically talented.
60. Musicals.
61. Hair ties.
62. Good hair days.
63. Bad hair days.
64. Swimming with baby.
65. Laughing with husband.
66. Food in pantry.
67. Fresh starts.
68. Having loving in-laws.
69. New friends.
70. Old friends.
71. Warm tea.
72. Good books.
73. Avocados.
74. Ice cream.
75. Amazing bible studies.
76. Being a mommy.
77. Caring people.
78. Cell phones.
79. Being surprisingly inspired.
80. My bible.
81. Dishwashers.
82. Washing machines.
83. Running water.
84. Dancing.
85. Dates with Josiah.
86. Frozen yogurt.
87. Best VA friends.
88. Hearing God stories.
89. Outside patio.
90. Squeezes for baby.
91. Trees.
92. Marathon medals.
93. Mom-cooked meals.
94. Ceiling fans.
95. The YMCA.
96. Peace of God.
97. Being deeply challenged.
98. Hugs.
99. Strength for today.
100. Knowing this list could be one thousand times longer.

Mind. Blown.

2011-11-21T23:19:00.001-05:00

God is amazing. Truly. He looks past things like poor grammar and selfish tendencies and judgmental attitudes, and grants us glimpses of His presence when we've never really deserved it, nor ever will. Tonight I was blessed beyond belief by the women in the bible study I lead. Actually, that's not exactly true - I was blessed by the presence and voice of God flowing through these women at bible study. It was a time of prayer and pouring out our hearts & struggles and becoming vulnerable and fighting for each other at the throne of Jesus, knowing full well that He will grant us victory on His time. It was not even a "mountaintop experience", but rather more like a "hold your sister up during the hard climb" experience. I cried - more than once - but left with full confidence and excitement for what awesome things God has in store for each one of us.

I don't want to forget this day. But I also don't think it should be such a rare thing in the community of believers. Never fail to pray for someone or to offer an encouraging word because you worry of the other's opinion. That is Satan putting you down, and the best way to defeat him is to do it anyway, feeling foolish and all. God will see the beauty in your willingness, and look upon you with favor. And if there's anyone in this world whom I want to look upon me with favor, it sure as goodness would be the creator of the universe!

One Perfectly Purple Giveaway

2011-11-17T16:02:00.001-05:00

I am so excited about this giveaway. Oh gracious goodness. Seriously, I wish I could win. It's pulchritudinous and it's purple.

I mean, in reality, purple isn't my favorite color.

But it is on something as deliciously delectable as this.

The fantastically festive folks at Shabby Apple (a bountiful boutique of women's dresses, girls' dresses, jewelry, accessories, and some of the cutest bathing suits on the planet) have offered one of my fantastically festive followers this breathtaking beauty known as "Bali Ha'i":

Gor-ge-ous.

And perfect for sittin' pretty by the Christmas tree.

Or sittin' pretty on the beach.

But I'm going with Christmas tree.

-----

So how can you win this pretty, valued at $78?

Simple.

Mandatory:

[Like Shabby Apple on Facebook]
and
[Follow tryin' to throw our arms around the world on Google Friend Connect.]

Additional:

[Post about the giveaway on Twitter]

one entry.
[Post about the giveaway on your blog]
two entries.
[Tell me a really embarrassing holiday story]
three entries.

...but your story better be good. I will be picky.
And there must be separate comments for each entry!
No exceptions!

[Except for liking Shabby Apple on Facebook and following my blog. That can be one comment. Okay so there are exceptions...but only one!]

Giveaway open to US residents only. Winner will be announced December 3rd.

With a possibility of seven total entries each, what are you waiting for?
Christmas?

grin.

a simply wonderful weekend.

2011-11-14T09:26:00.001-05:00

This weekend, we didn't do anything special. And that's honestly what made it so wonderful. No 4 hour long run, no 7 hour study sessions, no family coming into town (no offense, family), no athletic event, no legal briefs due. This entire semester has been so draining with one thing after another and finally this weekend, it really felt restful.

This weekend, I...

...got my haircut for the first time since September 2010! Back in February, I was given a gift card to this fancy salon and just now got around to using it. Since I am still trying to grow my hair out, I didn't do anything crazy, but it does feel lighter now. :)

...came home from said haircut to Josiah reading "The Good Wife Guide" (a bridal shower present of mine that was on the coffee table) to Gee. There are truly no words. I told Josiah he was poisoning our son's mind.

"Rule #10: With a table full of dirty dishes waiting to be scoured and stacked, your day's work has hardly ended but that's no excuse for failing to be a lively companion. Engage your husband in stimulating conversation ranging from news of the day to world events, but don't appear to opinionated or knowledgeable about any given subject. A good wife defers to her husband on all points, intellectual or otherwise."

...went to my first Scentsy party!

...saved $18 on a $20 purchase from Kohl's.

...went to the local farmer's market for the first time and bought my husband egg nog in a glass bottle. Classic.

...got an english/grammar tutoring job!

...spent a lot of time brushing up on participles and active versus passive voice in preparation for said tutoring job. It's been a while. :)

...did laundry, mostly so my NYC Marathon shirt would be clean again.

...wore said marathon shirt right out of the laundry. So now it's dirty again.

...heard a sermon at church about God taking us places and asking us to do things, even if we don't feel an overwhelming sense of peace. This is a biblically sound concept (Abraham being asked to sacrifice Isaac, Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane), but not a popular one in church today, though it should be.

...watched the Giants game with friends of ours. Being the wife of a Giants fan, I normally root for them but this week, I was still a little bitter from last week's Giants/Patriots game, so maybe I was ~~spitefully~~ quietly rooting against them.

...kicked my husband's butt in Monopoly, even though he owned Boardwalk. Boom.

...had my own butt kicked in Quiddler. You win some, you lose some. And sadly, I lost that one that requires more brain power.

...lamented/celebrated my baby boy's six month birthday on Sunday. If the next six months fly by as quickly as the previous, he's going to be 1 all too soon. Sigh. I love that sweet boy.

...was tempted to go for a 2 mile jog because my legs were just itching to run. This is truly miraculous, as it took over a month and a half after my first marathon for me to feel 100%, and this time around, I'm near 90% after less than a week. God is good.

Needless to say, it was a good weekend. :)

Six Months Old, and Sweet as Can Be..

2011-11-13T13:01:00.001-05:00

It seems like only yesterday that after nearly 24 hours pure agony, I heard my husband amid his tears cry out in joyful excitement, "It's a boy!". And yet here we are, a full six months later. Half a year. It has truly flown by, and I've loved almost every minute of it. :) My sweet baby has made me laugh, made me cry with joy, made me cry with frustration, and definitely has made me appreciate how blessed I am to be his mommy.

Worst mother of the year award goes to the woman who left her baby alone long enough for him to manage rolling completely under the couch. Oops. I laughed out loud.

All right, without further ado and my gushing over how much I love him, here is his six month update. :)

Sleeping: He is getting much better, and I attribute a lot of this to the marathon being over. I'm not running anymore (for now), so all my excess calories go to him, not to repairing my muscles. He naps well, about 3-4 times a day for 1-2 hours. He still gets up a few timse at night, which we're working on. It's hard though, as Josiah is a super light sleeper and has a hard time getting back to sleep once awoken, so often I just give in and feed Gee so Josiah won't awaken too much. I think it might be time to move him to the second bedroom. But being the paranoid first-time mother that I am, I am worried he'll be scared without us. :( Advice please?

Eating: He is still mostly nursing, but he LOVES his cereal! He would eat three bowls worth in one sitting if we let him. Even though he's six months now, I'm still going to hold off on other foods for now. I know he'll love them all, and I'm nervous he might want to stop nursing, so we'll just stick with milk and cereal for now. No pun intended! He's also had a few teething cookies, which he also loves, but he chews through them way too quickly which poses a choking hazard, so we'll hold off on giving him more of those for a while.

Habits: He has really gotten into pulling on strings and the like. He loves his tag toy, and will always find the cords from our sweaters and such. He recently tried to pull my marathon medal from the coffee table because the ribbon was hanging off the end. He has learned also to spin the "wheel" thing on his jumperoo. He is getting mighty mobile with his rolling (as seen above) and is really starting to focus in on things around him. This makes meal times mighty interesting. :) He also is getting really good at eating his feet, though he usually only does so when he's getting changed. Strange child.

Likes: Eating paper. Lots and lots of paper. Just today Josiah and I had to swap out bulletin inserts several times during church to prevent his inhaling an entire sheet of paper. He also loves his new jumperoo which his nonni got for him! He really seems to enjoy finding his feet. He also loves playing "stinky feet" and is really using his pacifier much more than he used to. And he is really being more settled while we read him books - even if he does try to eat the book half the time. :)

Dislikes: People making loud noises, especially in his direction. Sometimes people just get so excited to see him that they cry out "HI BABY!" or something to the like right in his face, and this usually causes an outburst of scared tears on Gee's part. His countenance is easily disturbed. LOL. There are also two little bumps visible near the front of his gums, so sometimes his teeth can be bothersome. Can't believe it's already time for teething!

Highlights: Seeing his face light up upon seeing me or Josiah. Seeing him smile when he sees me laughing. Seeing him smile and bounce when I sing and jump near him while he is in his jumperoo. Watching him figure things out, like how his toys work. Enjoying his becoming more snuggly and content in just sitting in our laps. What an amazing age to see leaps and bounds of development. This has definitely been my most favorite month. :)

11.11.11

2011-11-11T09:38:00.001-05:00

Three years ago today, I skipped class.

My boyfriend was taking me to the city to see Spamalot on Broadway, which he had gifted me for my birthday back in August. My mom helped me do my hair, which ended up way curlier than anticipated, giving me a five year old "Shirley Temple" look. He thought I looked beautiful anyway.

He took me to Bubba Gump for dinner beforehand, which was delicious.

We were in the 4th row from the stage, and we laughed till we cried.

We left the theatre, and he started walking away from Penn Station, which was how we arrived. I inquired that I don't remember coming this way, and he reminded me of his desire to go atop the Empire State Building at night.

Going up the elevator to the Empire State Building, he was my boyfriend.
Coming back down, he was my fiance.

Three years later, we have had one amazing wedding, two years of marriage, two and a half years of law school, two moves, two marathons, one then two then three then two cars, one pregnancy, one baby, and thousands upon thousands of laughs.

Today is 11/11/11, and I have nothing to wish for because all my dreams have already come true.

I love you, Josiah.

NYC Marathon, you can wait

2011-11-10T10:00:00.001-05:00

New York City Marathon. Wow.

It's still a little bit surreal that after wishing, dreaming, hoping, wondering since I was 7, I've actually joined the ranks of those who have ran the New York City Marathon. There is so much to say, so much to remember, so much to forget if I ever want to run another marathon again (which at the moment, I do not. LOL.) I want to gush over the amazing crowds, lament about the killer bridges, complain about getting out of Central Park, recall how I ran a harder than I ever thought I could at mile 25 when I saw my baby crying, and how excited I was to PR by 35 minutes. New York City Marathon. Those four words hold a little mysticism in my heart. My finishers medal sits on my living room coffee table for easy access, you know, just in case. I have my copy of the New York Times marathon edition, where I've located my name more than once. I look at the pictures my mom and cousin took and posted on Facebook nearly every day, and so dearly want to share them all with you.

Yet at this moment right now, I am held back.

I am held back when reading of Ecuadorean children waiting three years for a sponsor to provide them with needs we take for granted in this country. I've never truly thought about children waiting, dreaming, hoping, wondering for a sponsor. We have a sponsored child - little seven year old Sudhira from eastern India who looks mighty huggable. I write him letters when I remember, and tell him of Gee and how much God loves the both of them.

And while Josiah and I chose to sponsor because it's the very least we could do, I always felt as though it was more charitable than actually necessary. I never realized that these children truly need sponsors. They wonder why there is no one to help them. For years, I dreamt of running the New York City Marathon, but I would have survived just fine even if it never happened. For years, many of these children dream that someone will care enough to provide their most basic needs.

$38 a month. I've spent more than that on a useless trip to Target.

I know there are so many wonderful causes out there that are near and dear to people's hearts. Cures for cancer. Vocational support for our veterans. Education for girls rescued from prostitution. Ridding the world of illiteracy. Clean drinking water for Africa. Heart surgery for third world children with congenital heart disease. The list is beautifully endless. And I hope you support the causes close to you, through both financial support and prayers. But sponsoring a child is more than a one time gift. It is continual, and it builds a direct relationship with the one who you are helping. It's not just providing, it's caring.

The next time you want to change the world, start here. Change one child's world. If you can't possibly choose, give them a call and ask them who has been on the waiting list the longest. There. Your child will choose you. There are so many waiting for the basic needs of life, waiting for someone to care. Won't you be the one who says, "yes sweet child, I care"?

Sorry New York City Marathon. While I love you dearly, you're really not that important. Maybe next time. :) (Even my mother agrees. Scary how that works sometimes.)

This is pretty serious. Please read.

2011-11-08T15:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Blog Readers,

I would very dearly appreciate your praying for a family that Josiah and I know through law school. They have two children and the wife was pregnant with numbers three and four, due with twins. She ended up with several serious complications and had to deliver the baby girls at 21 weeks, one of whom passed away shortly after delivery. They just buried her last week, and today I found out that the other little girl passed away yesterday.

I cannot even begin to imagine the depth of sorrow and devastation that they must be going through right now. And especially as a mother, I don't even want to begin to fathom what it must be like to lose a child, much less two. Please please pray for this family. God is the only one who can provide true comfort at a time like this, so beckon at His throne for supernatural peace at a time where it seems impossible. Even now, just take a moment from your day to pray for this hurting family. I would be so grateful, and I'm sure this precious family would as well. Thank you so much.

Chloe

26.2 Miles Later...

2011-11-07T16:56:00.002-05:00

...and I'm a New York City Marathon finisher.

Flowers, a medal, and a handsome man?

I felt like an Olympian.

God is good.

Race recap coming soon.

It's almost here

2011-11-04T13:12:00.000-04:00

I really had no idea that marathon weekend would come this quickly. When I got in back in April when I was 500lbs worth of pregnant, November seemed so far away. And yet here we are. Two days away.

And while I am beyond excited, I am scared.
Really, really scared.

My last long run was three weeks ago, and my taper has been a little lacking, to put it nicely. My quads have been super tight this week, even though I haven't run since Monday, and now all of a sudden my hamstrings are super tight? Who knows how that happened, since I didn't have this problem once during training. Not to mention, being here in the north east where they actually have fall, my seasonal allergies are are attacking me full force, so much so that I very much would like to remove my face from my body. Sinus headache, sore throat, runny nose that is swollen from all the blowing. So fun.

And then I worry about being away from Gee for so long. I have to get the shuttle bus at 5:30am, and probably won't get to hold him again until at least 3:30, after getting out of Central Park and finding my family. He is still nursing, and I'm so worried that they're going to run out of milk and have to give him formula, which will probably kill his poor tummy as he doesn't react well to my eating a lot of dairy.

And then last night I even started worrying that with all the people who will be on the streets lining the marathon that at one point when Gee in his stroller, someone would just walk up and steal him and by the time they noticed, Josiah would have to fight through crazy crowds to ~~bash in the scum's skull~~ get Gee back from the perpetrator. You know, because with the seven adults that will be around him, that will totally happen.

I'm really starting to lose it.

Not to mention I'm really scared about falling apart from mile 17 on. Again.

But even amidst my some reasonable and some ridiculous worries, God keeps reminding me that hey, I don't have to worry about any of that because my running this marathon is a testament to how awesome HE is. Not how awesome I am. I didn't think I could train after having a baby 9 days late leaving me only 4 months to train, but I did. I never thought I would be able to run more than 3 miles again after my c-section, but I did. I never though I would run a mile under 11 minutes again, but I did. I never thought I would be able to get my long runs in and still exclusively nurse Gee, but I did. There is only one explanation for this, and that is the grace of God.

My running this marathon is a testament to what can happen we trust God to do the impossible, because He certainly knew that I was not capable. And I am excited to be able to in turn, give back to Him by running through Team Samaritan's Purse. It's not too late to help a child in need of open heart surgery. :)

Marathon no. 2 is so different than the first time around. But most significantly this time, I have surrendered complete control to God and I will praise Him come hell, high water, or even falling apart at mile 17. Though none of the above would be preferable. :)

I probably won't update again until after Sunday, so I'll catch you all on the flip side. Here are a few pictures from the expo, just because.

That star represents the finish line. Can't wait to get there.

True words.

Pray for me, if you would. That will truly be my fuel to the finish line.

Interview You: The Husband

2011-11-01T16:51:00.000-04:00

During the month of November (and maybe December. and January.), I will be doing a series of interviews of characters of all shapes and sizes. They will generally be less than 5 questions, and often in person. Want to be interviewed? I'm looking for a great cast of interviewees, especially if you've been in the Guinness Book of World Records. Or done something else really cool that would impress me. Or if you've just got a lot to say. Email me at chlooeee[at]gmail[dot]com.

Interview You: The Husband

(who else would be first?)

yes, that's him dancing in the middle of Manhattan. Wearing ice skates.

Here's how it went:

me: okay babe I'm going to interview you my blog. so just answer the questions.

(he continues typing on his computer. no response.)

me: okay?

josiah: mhmm

me: okay why don't you sum up in a nutshell why you are icing your heel right now?

josiah: that's an interview question?

me: yes.

me: babe?

josiah: i don't think i would give a better answer than you would.

me: but it's supposed to come from you!

josiah: i guarantee you can write a better story about what happened to my heel than I would.

me: okay fine. i'll pick another question. okay, how old were you when you when you decided to pursue law, and what inspired you? law and order?

josiah: i was sixteen.

me: okaaay...

josiah: what inspired me was my dad's often saying "Son, don't play lawyer with me."

me: so you wanted to stop playing and do the real thing?

josiah: no, it seemed like it came more natural than anything else because i wasn't necessarily trying to play lawyer, i was just trying to prove my dad wrong.

me: okay next question. what is your favorite dinner that i make?

josiah: umm, chicken, rice and kale.

me: really?

josiah: chicken drumsticks, rice, and kale with my mexican hot sauce.

me: out of all the new recipes i get excited to try, that's your favorite meal?

josiah: oh the she & him christmas album just came up on my new releases on spotify!

me: babe you didn't answer my question.

josiah: well, i think because you've made that dinner a lot, even growing up, so you've made it a lot so it's cooked the right way and stuff, so it tastes good.

me: so my new recipes don't taste good?

josiah: no a lot of times it does but trying a new recipe - it's hard to say that's my favorite meal when it's a one time thing.

me: okay moving on, what is your favorite thing about yourself?

josiah: what kind of narcissistic questions is that?!

me: it's not narcissistic!

josiah: it's absolutely narcissistic.

me: okay fine then besides becoming a Christian, marrying me, and the other obvious answers, what is the accomplishment you're most proud of?

josiah: having a really good relationship with my siblings.

me: is that really an accomplishment?

josiah: well it's something that doesn't come naturally and had to be worked at and a lot of people can't say they have good relationships with their siblings.

me: okay one last question. try to sum the law school experience in ten words or less.

(five minutes go by)

me: are you still thinking about it?

josiah: mmhmm.

(i go outside and get gee's cloth diapers from the drying rack so they don't blow into the neighbor's yard with the wind picking up.)

josiah: okay you ready?

me: yes, just give me one second.

josiah: so you're not ready.

me: yes, i'm ready now.

josiah: consuming, exhilarating, exhausting, intriguing, engaging, frustrating, fun, hard, intense, once.

me: thank God for the last one!

open letters to the world

2011-10-29T16:23:00.000-04:00

weheartit.

dear northeast,

i see that you are embracing snow a little earlier than anticipated. please get this out of your system now, and do not resume such activities until november 7th.

sincerely,
i don't really want to run 26 miles in the snow

-----

dear way-too-excited progressive insurance lady,

thanks for being so persistent. you saved me $100.

sincerely,
i've seen you too much and i don't even own a TV

-----

dear texas rangers,

really?
i was even rooting for you this year.

sincerely,
a mets fan

-----

dear gee baby,

never forget that i love you, and that Jesus loves you even more.

love,
mommy

-----

dear ayn rand,

seriously. enough with the words. your books are way too long.

sincerely,
i'm only reading you because you're my husband's favorite

-----

dear virginia,

after disliking you for so long, i finally admit, i will miss you when we part ways.

sincerely,
a humbled jersey girl

-----

dear running,

i like that we're good friends, but you seriously take up so much of my time.

sincerely,
we're taking a relationship break after november 6th

-----

dear husband,

you're a rock star. pulling an all-nighter then killing it in a law school competition the next morning?
stud.

love,
the woman who loves you the mostest

-----

dear law review,

you're evil.

sincerely,
i don't really like falling asleep and waking up alone

-----

dear legs,

don't fail me now. we've got a long road ahead of us.

sincerely,
26 miles isn't that far...

-----

dear new york city marathon,

the bar has been set high, my friend. don't disappoint.
also, please don't hurt me.

sincerely,
i've dreamt of you since childhood.

-----

dear occupy wall street,

is it really working?

sincerely,
i'm not even trying to be a jerk

-----

dear fellow christians,

can you imagine what the world would look like if we all really lived all out and only for Jesus?

sincerely,
let's strive together

-----

dear blog followers,

thanks for reading. <3

love,
i'm still shocked people read my ramblings

-----

dear Jesus,

thank you.

love,
i'm beautiful because of you

I'm going to be a marathoner for Halloween

2011-10-29T04:07:00.001-04:00

Well, not exactly. But I might as well be. After all, Halloween is all about pretending, no? :) Regardless, fall is definitely race season for us in this household. Just one week ago today, Josiah participated in the regional Tough Mudder race a few hours from where we live.

This involved running up about nine ski slopes, one of which was a double black diamond, for those of you know know skiing...

...and running up skateboard ramps...

...and sliding down ice cold water slides...

...and lots and lots of mud.

(won these boots in a giveaway!)

There were also many other obstacles (25 total, to be exact). Like how about 10,000 volts of electricity to kick you to the finish line?

Yes, that's my husband.

The beard has since undergone some major trimmage.

And at the end of it all, you earn a sweatband or two, and if you're lucky, a kiss. :)

...and people think marathoners are nuts!

But truly, nothing beats the feeling in the air at a fall race. The day of the Tough Mudder was super chilly in the morning, but warmed up some with the rising of the sun and the view of fall foliage from a ski resort was absolutely breathtaking. Nothing like racing in the fall.

And my turn is coming!

In case you missed the ~~1,428~~ few times I mentioned it already, I'll be running the New York City Marathon a week from Sunday and I cannot wait. Seriously.

NYC Marathon billboards in the subway.

Taken by yours truly.

Training in the summer was pure misery. Seriously. I hate sweating. And breathing in 150% humidity. But with the weather finally starting to feel like fall, I am so excited for some amazing race weather. Training in the summer is SO worth having a beautiful race in the fall. Good timing, New York City. :) Fall racing may be one of my favorite things.

Anyone up for a Turkey Trot? :)

...from now on, our troubles will be out of sight.

2011-10-26T16:32:00.000-04:00

I am a creature of habit. Well, mostly. My running playlist consists of the likes of Avril Lavigne, Relient K, Switchfoot, U2, Dashboard Confessional, and the Shall We Dance soundtrack. It's true, I never graduated high school.

(Kidding. Homeschool moms of the world, breath a sigh of relief.)

I've updated my music here and there, but much remains the same from my late high school/early college days. And somehow, I'm okay with listening to the same songs over and over. Call me crazy, but like I said, I'm a creature of habit. I'd rather run the same route and tack on a few miles here and there, knowing exactly how far I have to go, then to take the time to plan out a new scenic route.

And lately I've noticed, I'm the same with Christmas music. My favorites are Michael W. Smith's "Christmas" and Amy Grant's "Home for Christmas", because that's what my mom played every Christmas, and there's always a hint of that childhood Christmas magic when I hear them. Only today did I realize that these albums came out in 1989 and 1992, respectively. I'm not even going to tell you how old I was when they came out, but I may or may not have been walking. Okay I was, but had not been for long.

So now that I've entered my Christmas music listening season (to all of you no-Christmas-music-till-after-Thanksgiving-nazis: I get it, and know not to play it when you're over. So don't get your panties in a wad.), I'm branching out and listening to Jadon Lavik's Christmas album on Spotify. Not that I'm abandoning my childhood music by any means, but I realize now that the music I listen to is a big decision, as one day Gee and all future siblings will associate Christmas magic with the songs I choose. And this is an excitingly serious responsibility. :)

Any good recommendations?
What music brings you back to childhood Christmastimes?

Cloth Diapers!

2011-10-23T22:32:00.000-04:00

Yes, I'm becoming that blogger.

The mommy blogger.

I never thought I would join the full-on ranks, but here I am, unashamedly about to dedicate an entire blog post solely to the topic of cloth diapers. If you have blow dried your hair more than three times in the past two weeks, feel free to move along as chances are you are either childless, or probably don't have much interest in cloth diapering. Or maybe both. Either way, we can still be friends.

I've been using only cloth diapers since the end of August, and I have to say, I love them. I know, I really am one of those moms who gets excited about baby products but surprisingly, I'm okay with it. :) Anyway, I digress. I'm no cloth diaper expert by any means, but I have learned a few things which I'll be happy to share.

I have about 60% Grovia diapers and 40% Flip diapers, both of which are all-in-twos. This means that the insert can be changed without having to change the entire cover, unless it gets dirty. All-in-one covers (like Bum Genius diapers) have to be changed every single time.

Grovias are definitely my favorite. The inserts are gusseted, which means they have elastic to prevent, shall we say, "spillage", and they also snap in, which keeps them from moving around. They are one size fits all, thanks to the million and one snaps, and the back of the insert are waterproof, which keeps the covers dry longer. I also think that these will last me quite a while, as Gee is 5 months and is still wearing the smallest snap size.

However, there are of course things I don't love. Since they're all organic cotton, they wick away no moisture, which can be super bothersome for Gee. They also take forever to dry. And I mean FOREVER. If I dry them in a dryer, it will take well over an hour on high heat to dry, and if I air dry them, it will take two days. Not even kidding.

Flips are definitely not my favorite. The inserts are not gusseted, nor do they snap in, so the covers can move all over the place, and they also aren't waterproof on the bottom, so I have to change the covers quite frequently. Gee leaks through these much easier than through Grovias. I'm also not a biggest fan of the covers, as Gee is already on the second sizing of snaps. I would recommend also getting velcro in these, as it's hard to find a secure but comfortable fit around the belly.

But! There are good things, too. The top layer is flannel, which makes them stay nice and dry on baby bottoms, and they clean super easy and dry super fast. So if I am running super short on clean diapers, I know I'll have Flips accessible not long after I set them to dry. Not so with Grovias, so I am glad I have more than one brand.

I also have a diaper sprayer, which I've used since the beginning. I don't know that you need one while babies are still mostly milk fed, but I'm really glad I have one, especially when the diapers go for longer bouts in the pail without being washed as it helps keep diapers from staining if you rinse them right away.

I also use the Bum Genius brand of diaper detergent, which has worked really well. Other than that, that's pretty much it. Feel free to ask any questions in the comments. I really am so happy with our decision and ability to cloth diaper. Not only do I no longer find super yuck disposable diaper shreddings on Gee, but we also save so much money. That's really the number one reason I wanted to use cloth diapers, especially with Josiah being on his last year of law school. I've only bought one pack of diapers since Gee was born, and that was in August because there was a hurricane coming and had no idea if we would lose power or not, this making me unable to wash diapers. We didn't and there are still a big chunk of diapers left which have only been used in a pinch, and when he was with a sitter one night.

Anyone use cloth diapers? Which brands do you like best? I've thought about maybe investing in some all in ones for the convenience factor, but obviously have yet to do so.

Okay phew, glad I got that out!

Every mom is entitled to a nerdy baby post every now and then. :)

Three Things Thursday

2011-10-20T12:44:00.001-04:00

one.

gee was dedicated this past weekend!

it was a crazy busy weekend as my parents & younger siblings came thursday, my grandparents came friday, my in-laws (minus mother-in-law and brother-in-law) and older brother came on saturday. mind you, we live in a two bedroom apartment, so there were a LOT of people here. it was a little stressful but my husband told me over and over to embrace the chaos. :) but it was fun at the end of the day, and was also awesome to have them all support us as we promised to raise gee to the glory of God. and my older brother and josiah's sister agreed to be his godparents, so it was wonderful to have them stand alongside us.

i don't know why protestants don't have godparents more often. it really is a great tradition.

two.

this occurred early saturday morning amidst the chaos...

it hurt. and i was slower than i hoped, but my left achilles burned the entire way, and i hit a wall at mile 17, and i decided (foolishly) to run up a crazy hill twice at mile 19, so despite these things, i was pretty proud,. :)

now it's taper time! i, however, have taken it to the extreme, running only once since 24. i've been feeling under the weather, probably from the long run + the crazy weekend, but i'm planning on 12 tomorrow, and a short run saturday and maybe sunday. nyc is getting so close!

and i'm almost 1/2 way to my goal.

God is pretty awesome. :)

three.

it finally feels like fall outside.

which means me and gee are listening to christmas music.

don't judge.

My baby boy is 5 months old!

2011-10-13T18:37:00.000-04:00

Be amazed, world. I am doing a monthly update on his actual monthly birthday! If you only knew the crazy week I had, you would be amazed. And I am so excited to be doing his 5 month update - he is just becoming even more delightful with each passing day. Each passing night, however - a little bit of a different story. Read on.

{And after reading, head over to Callie's blog - I've been a featured mommy today!}

Sleeping: Ohmylanta. I love my baby boy so much. It's funny though, that he's snoring in the swing next to me as I write this. His sleeping hasn't gotten tremendously better since last month's update. He naps just fine during the day, but at night, he always seems to be too hungry to sleep, and then I don't have anything left for him,and then it's a sad day. Well, night rather. I've been keeping him in our bed after getting him at night lately, only because by the time we both fall asleep, I'm just not up for getting out of bed again. Last night we were walking around for a good half hour at 3am getting out some gas bubbles. Sad thing was, Josiah was still up working on a legal brief due on Friday. It's been some good times in our household this week. :)

Eating: Still exclusively nursed, though we're going to try cereal on today, his 5 month birthday! :) He goes for a lot longer in between feedings more and more often. He's also had water in a bottle, water from our cups (Josiah started him on that fascination), and gripe water. Excited to see how he does with cereal!

Habits: He likes to open his mouth wide when he sees anything in arms length that he can get his chompers on. This includes, but is nowhere near limited to, mommy's and daddy's fingers, couch pillows, magazines, blankets, his own bibs, his feet, any and all toys, and sometimes even my chin. He's also entering the fascination with tags phase, and loves the tag toy that a family friend made for him. He also likes to rock his head back and forth when he's playing on his back or getting his diaper changed. A new thing he's begun to do is stare straight at me when he's crying - like when he's on the playmat or in his swing and I just can't pick him up that second, he stares at me through his tears, as if to say "Aren't you going to do something about my traumatic circumstances?!" Oh I just love that boy. :)

Likes: Chewing on my thumb. "Standing" in the exersaucer at church (we don't have one at home). Taking naps in the jogging stroller during my runs (...most of the time...). Playing peek-a-boo, especially the version where I hide behind his feet. Getting his diaper changed (weird, but true. he'll often calm down once he's a freebird. LOL). "On the Night You Were Born" -- he settles down with that better than any other book. Being tickled. Pulling the singing panda on his carseat - he finally figured it out!

Dislikes: When he rolls on to his belly and can't figure out how to roll back. Loud, sudden noises. Being in big crowds, especially around nap time. Wind in his face. (All the same from last month). Also dislikes being put down and being in a stroller that's not moving. And bed time.

Highlights: This past Sunday we put him in church nursery for the first time (only because my friend was working - we generally keep him with us) and he was fussy the last 15 minutes but settled down after we picked him up without being fed or falling asleep. He probably just missed us. :)

Thoughts on this life I live

2011-10-11T23:58:00.002-04:00

Sometimes we don’t know how proud we are until we're forced to admit defeat to the world.

Take my first marathon for example. There was a lot of hype about my running that race. I was running for charity, the first and only one of my friends to take on 26 miles, and I had a lot of people cheering for me, both from the sidelines and in spirit. I trained what I thought at the time was properly, and soon enough I lined up on race day with no idea of what to expect. 5 hours 13 minutes later, I crossed the finish line, sore and wounded - both physically and mentally.

I spent the next two weeks sheepishly answering the same question over and over again...“How was your marathon? Were you happy with your time?”

What I would say: “Oh it was a great experience! And I my knees blew out around mile 17, so I know I could’ve been faster, but overall I’m glad for the experience.”

How I really felt: “It was awful and I am horrified with my performance. And no, I was not happy with my time, but I was happy to be done. Oh yeah, and thanks for asking.”

It’s true. I was humiliated.
And my pride hurt big time.

But God took this opportunity to shake me by the shoulders and say “HEY. Was this about me or was it about you?”

“You, Lord. I even had the t-shirt so everyone knew.”

“Then why does your finishing time kill you? It should not matter, so long as you give me the glory, honor and praise.”

Sigh.

So then I moped around even more not only because I was a slow runner but also because I was a terrible person and failed - again.

-Fast forward a year and a half later-

One month away from marathon no. 2, I am a smarter runner. My knees don’t scream at me with every step I take any more (thank you, foam roller), I am a firm believer in choosing to take walking breaks well before being forced to take walking breaks, I own a Garmin, and I rotate between two pairs of running sneakers. I know how much to eat the night before and the morning of a long run, how to keep hydrated properly, and have become well acquainted with the 5 o’clock morning hour. I wasn’t even sore the day after my 20 miler. Barring the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge just killing me from the get-go (which is definitely possible), I will finish much better than last time, and I dream of a better marathon time...a much better one. I am once again running for charity, though it seems with less vigour this second time around.

And God still asks...“Is it about me or about you?”

Even if it take me 6 hours to finish this time, can I still smile and give full praise to God saying “Thank you Jesus!” as I would give Him the ecstatic praise if I qualified for Boston?

Note: Boston qualifying is not in my future. We’re speaking hypothetically.

I have pride issues. I know that’s easy to say, especially because saying one is not proud is a contradiction in terms. But I have deep pride issues of needing to be the best. If I was not the best in my ballet classes, I would put myself near who I perceived to be the best and made sure to keep up with her - to jump as high, pirouette as many times in a row, hold my extension a little bit longer, until I felt equal. I like being the best. I’m semi-okay with being shuffled in the middle, but I hate being the worst.

And yet the lowly ones - the ones who are easy to miss or forget, the ones who don’t make a big to do about themselves, the ones who just serve others and seek no applause, the ones who are the worst in ballet class but show up anyway - they will be the first in heaven. Not the ones who could nail triple pirouettes or run Boston qualifying marathons.

Which race am I running? The race to glorify Chloe in the end, or the race to glorify God?

That question is not hypothetical. And the answer hurts.
And only I have the power to change.

Am I brave enough to pray that if it means humbling my heart to be more like His, to please allow me a 6 hour marathon finish? To allow me bad hair days for the rest of my life, allow me to gain weight, allow my children not to be the smartest or most talented, allow my husband a job that isn’t the most glamorous, allow me to live in a undesirable neighborhood, allow me to drive cars to the ground, allow me to never step foot in a dance studio again, allow me a small, simple house - if it means humbling my heart and being more like Jesus....could I pray that prayer? And could I ask for these things without looking down on those who don’t? To not be overcome with self-righteousness in the reality of what a wretched soul am I?

Am I strong enough to be weak?Can I give all I have to be more like Jesus, forsaking all this world holds dear, humbling myself to the lowest earthly level, only so that I may completely empty so that by Jesus I will be filled?

Am I strong enough?

For the Sake of Tomorrow

2011-10-10T06:30:00.000-04:00

weheartit.

A few days ago, I was praying while looking out the glass door of our patio. Gee was in the other room screaming his poor little head off. It was you-need-to-fall-asleep-by-yourself-for-this-nap time. With every cry, my heart broke just a little bit more, so I started praying for my sweet little boy.

"Jesus, can't you help him just fall asleep? What if he thinks his mommy left him and isn't coming? He just wants me to hold him and feel comforted by nursing and fall asleep in my arms. I want to give that to him, but I know he has to learn. It won't be better for today, but it will be better for a lot of tomorrows. Please, Jesus. I don't want him to think I've abandoned him. Let him just surrender to the sleep he needs. I love him so much, and I'm right here in the room next to him. I know he doesn't know that, but I wish somehow he would know that I hear him and haven't left him."

A few minutes later, with the screaming still going on, I felt God say

"That's how I feel about you."

In the valleys of faith, how often do we scream and cry and lament and wonder where God is and why He isn't holding us and comforting us and taking away our suffering? What we often forget or never even realize is that He is there, and He hears us, and He loves us so much, and His heart breaks a little more with every single cry.

But we have to learn. Not for a better today,

but for a better lot of tomorrows.

Thank you, precious Lord,

for giving me a tiny taste of the abundant love you have for your children.

Remember that one time when the baby woke up at 5:45 so I had to take him with me while I ran 8 miles?

2011-10-07T12:52:00.000-04:00

...oh wait. That was yesterday.

Yes, I made Josiah take a picture of me with the stroller and my Team SP shirt. I plan on using it to milk sympathy points for fundraising. Yes, I am shameless, but darn it, I only have a month left!

I always thought that for runs longer than 5 miles, I would wake up super early and get them done before Gee or Josiah woke up, this way I wouldn't have to take the jogging stroller with me for such a long stretch of running. Well, as life would have it, Gee decided to give my resolution a run for its money and wake up at 5:45 yesterday. So 8 miles with the jogging stroller it was!

My little squishy boy has decided this past week that there should be no such thing as schedule when it comes to sleeping. Needless to say, I have "Baby Wise" on hold for me at the library as we speak.

That being said, the longish run with the jogging stroller wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. There's a nice quiet little neighborhood right near me with a great loop for the stroller, and I was blessed to be given a really nice one that works really well with running. But it was pretty tough pushing that monstrosity into the wind. I'm just glad he was covered, and thus slept through the whole thing. :)

But then last night, he decided sleeping more than 2 hours straight was not on his agenda for the evening. Lord have mercy. I'm not a pleasant person at 1am. Or 4am. Or pretty much any time between 9pm and 6am. We need help. Anyone have any advice?

Marathoning and new mommying is no joke.

For real.

Hello Friday, It's Been a While...

2011-10-07T10:51:00.002-04:00

Fill in the Blank Friday!

I've missed you!

1. Something popular that I can't stand/just don't "get" is skinny jeans, gladiator sandals, colored tights, old woman purses, telling one's life story on a Facebook status, and the New York Yankees. I think that's all. :)

2. Something unpopular that I secretly love is the Buffalo Bills. I'm for real a Patriots fan, but my dad grew up a Buffalo fan, and I always secretly hope they win the Super Bowl.

3. When I've had a bad day I go to sleep way early (if possible) and hit the proverbial reset button in the morning.

4. I'd prefer a quiet day with Josiah to fun and active one without him any day.

5. Something that makes me nervous is the New York City Marathon being only 29 days away. And surviving my 20 mile run tomorrow. And wondering if Gee will let me get any sleep tonight for said run.

6. Something worth fighting for is quiet time with Jesus. It's a fight that I'm ashamed to admit I give up on way to easily, but I not only hurt myself in not doing so, but those I care for and love. How can I actually love them if I don't seek strength from the very one who gives us the ability to love?

7. When people think of me, I hope they think "she never says anything bad about anyone!" -- this is not true yet, but I'm hoping, trying, and praying for it to be one day soon!

I have a feeling this won't be my only post today.

Stay tuned for baby drama. :)

"You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart."

2011-10-05T12:03:00.001-04:00

I've been in a whimsical, dancing kind of mood lately....

...which may have resulted in a few double pirouettes in the kitchen...

{all above images via weheartit.}

...this whimsy inspired a photo shoot...

...which was inspired by getting a pair of TOMS...

...that happened to look an awful lot like pointe shoes :)

I love ballet, and miss it so.

And I may have found me the perfect pair of shoes.

these are a few of my favorite things...

2011-09-30T14:39:00.000-04:00

Fridays.
Open windows.
The smell of my baby.
Ballet.
Being a stay at home mommy.
Unexpected lunch with my husband.
Soaking in the scriptures.
Pumpkins.

Sweet friends.
Having two places in the world you call home.
Waking up before the sun and greeting him hello.
G-rated movies.
Hearing my favorite song on the radio.
Calls to mom.
The joy that comes with living for others.
Smiles that come from remembering times past.
Smiles that come from living life today.
Painting my nails.
Musicals.
Singing to my baby boy, with no fear of him criticizing my voice.
Christmas tiptoeing its way here.
Little sisters in ladybug ballerina tutus.

Christians around the world proclaiming the name of Jesus without fear.

Getting lost in a book.

A good song getting stuck in your head.

Finding that perfect present for a loved one.

Enough pictures to make up a billion words.

Meeting new friends.

Laughing with old friends.

High school scrapbooks.

Worshiping Jesus with others who love Him so.

Working hard.

Being with family after some time.

Listening to the rain.

Remembering how beautiful life truly is.

Four Month Update

2011-09-29T15:28:00.000-04:00

Well month four has been pretty wonderful thus far! Yes, he is already 4 and 1/2 months, but that is beside the point. I just love how each and every day, he seems to take in more of the world around him. I have such a wonderful baby. :)

Sleeping: This one has been a series of crazy events! The beginning of the month was horrible; it was so difficult to get him to bed at night, then he was waking up every 2 hours screaming and would not calm down even after eating both sides. In times past, he would eat for a few minutes before dozing back off to sleep. I finally realized that poor baby just wasn't getting enough to eat, and my milk supply was really low. I just wasn't eating enough for both of us. :( It's hard getting in enough calories to support him and my running self, but I'm getting better at making sure there's enough to go around. Essentially, I'm eating for three people. Me, Gee, and my running self who alone takes anywhere from 500-1800 calories a day. Lord have mercy.

I digress.

Eating: Well the above tangent pretty much describes everything! Still exclusively nursing. I'm planning on trying a few solids in November.

Habits: Well grabbing mommy's hair has turned into a favorite pastime. He also grabs his own hair, which I imagine doesn't feel very good. He also rolls over both ways now, and has started wiggling and rolling his way out of his playmat. Sometimes I find him under the coffee table. True story. He's also discovered his feet this past week! So cute. :)

Likes: Eating his toes. Eating mommy's fingers. Eating his own fingers. Eating everything he can get his chompers on. Being in the Moby facing forward. When mommy's too tired to put him back in his own bed at night. When daddy gives him sips of water from a grown up cup. The exersaucer at church...thinks he's a big boy standing up. :)

Dislikes: When he rolls on to his belly and can't figure out how to roll back. Loud, sudden noises. Being in big crowds, especially around nap time. Wind in his face.

Highlights: Seeing the way Gee's face light up when his daddy says hello to him after being gone all day never ever gets old. <3

minimalism, amongst other things

2011-09-23T10:40:00.000-04:00

I'm still in my pajamas this Friday morning. Reason #2,394 that being a stay at home mom is awesome.

Okay, that's awful. Being a stay at home mom is NOT about laziness. Not once does it mention in Proverbs 31 of the woman staying in her pajamas and blogging all morning. Though looking at the clock now, it's only 9:45am. It feels like a lot later, because Gee baby decided to wake up at 6:45 this morning. :)

Baby boy is sleeping now though, and husband is away at a school event. The house is untidy, but when is it not these days? It is for this reason, amongst others, that I so badly want to be a minimalist. Clutter stresses me out more than anything, but without so much stuff, clutter would be near impossible. I went on a clothing rampage the other day, and filled 5 trash bags with clothes and shoes, 99% of which were my own. Sad thing is, none of my drawers are empty (though they do close with ease now), and my closet is still pretty full. I do have a significantly less amount of shoes though! 3 pairs of heels, 3 pairs of boots, 2 pair of running shoes, 2 pairs of flip flops, 2 pairs of flats, and 1 pair of TOMS (my new favorite). As I'm typing that out, it seems like a ridiculous amount of shoes. Geeez. It seemed so small when I saw the huge dent in my closet. I'm a work in progress.

It's funny though, because I love Pinterest, and seeing all the ideas for beautiful craft and home ideas makes me excited to live in a place of more permanence in the near future, and make it beautiful on a budget. And yet so much about Pinterest flies in the face of minimalism. Granted, I'm not going to be one of those ~~kooks~~ hard-core minimalists with one chair in my living room. But I think Jesus knew what He was talking about when he said to store up our treasures in heaven. Stuff consumes us. It doesn't make us happy, and it often prevents us from blessing others instead. I mean how easy is it to buy a $10 dress at Target, and yet at the same time to feel good about ourselves for donating a dollar to the Salvation Army bell ringer? How backwards is that?

I'm ranting now, I know. I'm not trying to be judgmental. Just overwhelmed with my own choices.

I realize now that I never did a 4 month baby update. So sad. Must do one soon as he changes so much with each month. I truly think that this month is my favorite so far...he just laughs and smiles at everything and everyone, but at the end of the day, he still just needs his mommy. :) He calms down now when we read him a book, which makes Josiah so excited. He hopes all of our children are avid readers. Our new bedtime favorite is "On the Night You Were Born", which my Lindsey-friend bought for him before he was even born. Such a sweet book with the most beautiful pictures.

Lately, I have been so blessed in my walk with Jesus; through our incredible church and the amazing people there, through a women's bible study that only two weeks in has already proven to have a solid and Lord-seeking group of women, through the Holy Spirit in my quiet times, through the miracle of being a mother, and through so many life lessons I continually am taught each and every day, and yet despite all of this, I still fail Him daily. I still see my bible sitting on the coffee table, and choose to do the dishes instead. I know the dishes aren't going anywhere, yet I become so consumed with having a "neat" home (going back to the clutter...), that I choose to walk away from the one thing I need more than anything in this life ever. Or I run errands. Or I do laundry. Or I play with my son. None of which are bad things by themselves, but they become evil when they are acts of disobedience. Why do I cheat myself out of the beautiful things in life?

I don't know. But I do know that I have a fussy baby who needs my attention, so it is time to bid farewell to my blog until who knows when. Next time I won't be so serious... :)

Oh You Got Trouble! Right here in River City!

2011-09-13T22:26:00.001-04:00

Disclaimer: the title has absolutely nothing to do with the post. That song is just stuck in my head. And it's late.

I should really be heading to bed right now, seeing as it's 9:37 and my baby is asleep (miracle!) and I have to be somewhere at 8:55 tomorrow morning (hello rush hour, it's been a while). But my computer is on and while I have 10 other chores I could be doing right now, I find myself here. On Blogger. There have been so many posts in my head that I had full intention of writing. But you know how that goes. So I shall abbreviate my life into a list, most of the lines which could be posts of their own.

One. I ran 16 miles. Before 9:30am on a Saturday morning. #bythegraceofGod

Two. The above got me to cross off one thing on my 101 before 1,001 list. [Run to my now former office.]

Three. I still need to edit and repost that list.

Four. I'm still raising money for Children's Heart Project via my marathon training, and am curious why the raffle is, shall we say, unpopular. The prizes are pretty fantastic in my humble opinion, and $5 to CHARITY doesn't seem too steep to me. So YOU the reader tell me your reasoning! I was supposed to announce the first winner September 2nd, but with only two entrants, it would all be over before it even began and a lot of generous donors would be getting their prizes back. And we certainly can't have that! :)

Five. I got my first pair of TOMS. My mom got them for me for my birthday, and I'm pretty excited. :)

Didn't even watermark this one. If you really want a picture of my feet, I won't stop you.

What's weird though is that the day before I got these in the mail, I also received a $50 gift card to TOMS, when my mom clearly did not order me a gift card, and the receipt said I ordered it (which I didn't). So strange. I've been trying to call them and ask what on earth is going on, but I've been on hold for 15+ minutes twice. Anyone else have this happen to them? I don't want to keep it if it was a mistake, obviously. It's just so strange.

Six. The other day, it was hot and humid as anything and I was out running with Gee in the stroller and I had the biggest bitter chip on my shoulder you have ever seen. I am not a warm weather runner by any means, and I was frustrated that I got such a late start, that I had so little sleep the night before, that Josiah had to leave for school so early, that I eventually had to cut my run short due to the baby SCREAMING...the list only got longer. I was all ready to text Josiah as soon as I was done to tell him how miserable I was and how awful my run was when I ran by a house that had one of those light up Christmas yard signs that said "Joy". My first thought was "Wow that's taking it to the extreme...it's September!" when all of a sudden I felt God tell me - "That's for you."

It's times like those when finding the joy actually counts. I started counting my blessings all the way home. I was still bitter, but God was able to start a crack in that hard heart of mine.

Seven. Did I mention I got a Nook for my birthday from my grandparents? I love it lots. I just wish it was like an iPod where I could download what I already have onto it.

Eight. I've thought many times lately about going private with my blog. I still might. It would be nice to take the ridiculous self-inflicted pressure off to post more, and to be able to choose my audience and post whatever I like - baby pictures included - and to stop worrying about my lack of posting. We'll see...I need to think about it more.

Nine. I really need to go to bed now. 7 (ugh) miles to run in the morning. And that's not an I'm-saying-ugh-but-I-really-want-you-to-be-impressed-ugh. That's an I'd-much-rather-be-sleeping-in-tomorrow-ugh. After I run the March marathon for which I am registered, I am retiring from marathoning.

Ten. Okay maybe not retiring. Josiah tells me not to use the word retire. More like "taking an indefinite leave of absence from marathoning". I'll just stick with half marathons or less for a long while. Training for a marathon takes so much stinkin' time.

Eleven. Going to bed now, for real.

Twelve. Oh but I just got the old "Little Women" dvd from the library, the one with Katharine Hepburn. Anyone ever see that one? I haven't, but I'm excited. :)

So I kind of miss blogging. And I had a super birthday.

2011-09-05T04:00:00.000-04:00

So the baby is napping and my apartment is semi-clean. Which, of course, in mom-world means "Invite everyone over, our house looks great! Just tell them not to trip over the bag in the living room floor waiting to go to Salvation Army!" So needless to say, I'm feeling pretty good about it.

Anyway, our getting settled into a routine/routine getting messed up due to hurricane/my birthday celebration/oh yeah, a busy baby boy has all but kept me far from Blogger, Facebook, and most things computer related. The world is lucky I can check my email in my iPod. So I do miss blogging. Facebook I could live without, but why would I ever want to?

I digress.

My birthday was in fact last week, and it was a wonderful day! Josiah ended up having the whole day off from law school (thank you, Irene) and we were able to truly spend the day together as a family. I loved every second of it.

We started the morning off with a 12 mile run from down under...and no, I don't mean Australia. I think this may only be the 2nd time we've run together since being married, and it was definitely the first time with a jogging stroller! Not gonna lie - it was tough. Josiah was awesome and stayed pace with me the whole time even though I'm still super slow. We swapped pushing Gee every 3ish miles, and it certainly takes a toll on one's running. Plus it was hot and humid and I'm just not a warm weather runner. But we finished and that's what counts. And Gee slept through all 12 miles - he's an angel baby. :)

love my joovy.

who needs you BOB.

We came home and took ice baths and MERCY they were brutal. I had me a good laugh watching Josiah try to get in - he doesn't do so well with water less than 90 degrees.

Then we watched some random Josiah-movie (Buffalo 66) which ended up being weird enough to be funny. They aren't always, and I'm always wary of movies Josiah picks. Hmm. Then we got some Ben & Jerry's though sadly, they didn't have my flavor. Sadness.

Moving on, notice the new look? I decided it needed a change and I went with lighter colors. Not really appropriate for the season, but oh well. It probably won't be changed for another 6+ months. I also changed the name because I originally named it back when Josiah and I were just dating and now we're married with a baby...it's time for more of a family oriented name. :)

:::::

Here's hoping I haven't missed anything in my absence. I'm sad to admit that blogging stresses me out more than anything these days, as I always think of things I want to remember via blogging, but haven't the time at the moment to write up a post, and thus I think they will get sucked into the vortex of forgetfulness. Pretty sad, no? But it isn't so bad when I realize it's the memory-making that takes me away from memory-recording. :)

:::::

What is the most exciting thing to happen to you in the past three weeks?
I ran 15 miles this weekend, and didn't die! That's exciting to me.

Three Month (+11 day) Update!

2011-08-24T14:35:00.000-04:00

Wow, what a month it has been! We're back from another great trip to Martha's Vineyard and really long story short, we had been spending the summer in New Jersey and have since returned from what was a crazy and ridiculously fast summer. It was amazing being around family, but at the end of the day, it is nice to be in our home again. Though it is a challenge going from tons of help to not as much help - but I'm getting used to it quickly! I do miss everyone so much already though. :(

As for Gee, he has changed so much over this past month, it's crazy! I'm so glad I do these updates because it's so amazing to see how he has changed over each month. Already he's so different than he was at two months.

Sleeping: Well thankfully he has at least one consistent nap every morning about an hour and a half after he wakes up. He often takes one around dinner time too. The rest of the time, it's anyone's guess. He has been waking up a bit more often than he was during his 11-6:30 night sleeps, but still not more than three times a night. And his daily naps vary...today he's already on his third long nap, where as yesterday he only had two long ones and a few small ones all day.

Eating: He's definitely eating more at once, and less often. He can go 2-3 hours in between feedings, which seemed like it was an impossibility for him not so long ago!

Habits: He grabs on to hanging toys so often now! He also kicks his legs real fast and flails his arms up and down when I bend down and talk close to him, which is so unbelievably cute. :) He loves watching his light-up ball while doing tummy time (of which he is still not a huge fan), and loves being sung to. We have lots of fun with The Sound of Music Pandora station!

Likes: ATTENTION. Singing and dancing around with mommy. Being really warm - he slept so deeply amid lots of noise next to the fire stove in Martha's Vineyard (yes, it's cold enough for fireplaces up there already). His pacifier helping push him over the brink of sleep. Talking to his friends (the mirror, hanging toys, the ceiling fan, mommy & daddy...). Watching me while he eats.

Dislikes: The ocean! ...poor baby. Being kept too long in wet diapers. Being in the car seat if he's not sleeping or moving.

Highlights: Now that we're home, we've started cloth diapers! I really like them already! I know it sound ridiculous but it feels good using them, knowing how much money we're saving and how much less damage is being done to the earth. I don't even mind rinsing off the smelly ones!

He's also started smiling like CRAZY at everyone and everything, even more so than last month. He also really seems to recognize people and will watch them leave the room when they stop paying attention to him. His expressions are only getting more and more numerous, and I love them all - even the sad faces! Even those are too darn cute!

He also goes for longer bouts in the stroller being happy and content. He was an angel baby in Martha's Vineyard! Oh I just love my sweet baby boy.... <3

:::::

Hopefully some regular life updates soon!

In the meantime, have $5 lying around that you want to go to helping children get working hearts?

And want a chance to win stuff while doing good?

I know you do. :)

Guest Post :: Chelsea from Blending Life Seamlessly

2011-08-19T07:24:00.007-04:00

Hello! I'm Chelsea, the person behind Blending Life Seamlessly, and I have been following Chloe's awesome blog since my earliest days of blogging. I felt so honored when she asked me to guest post for her! It's the first time I've ever done this, but there's a first time for everything!

I am a thinker. God created me a mental person, a human being who thrives off of deep conversation, who likes to learn and ask questions, and I happen to like that about myself. (It's one of the reasons blogging is such a great outlet for me!)

Anyway, as I think about where I am in my life right this moment, about to start my sophomore year of college, I also recall where I was this time last year. So much can happen in a year, and many of the lessons we learn we don't recognize until we're looking in retrospect.

I'm going to spare you all the crazy details and give you the cheat sheet version of my story from last August to now, how many things have changed. Last August I was in a committed, godly, encouraging, and great relationship. That ended peacefully this past January. Difference #1. Last August I was dealing with post-pain from when I had broken my foot December of 2009, and went off to school (where I'm on the track and field team) still being bothered by it. Long story short, I ended up having surgery this past February. I never ran all season; my freshman season, on the sidelines. Now I'm almost fully cleared to participate and so ready to start training with my team. Difference #2. Last August I was full of anxiety, going off to college for the first time. This time I'm excited about the year, I'm genuinely ready to start (and I'm a big homebody, so being home for the summer has been amazing). I feel more prepared and more confident in myself than I did last year. Difference #3.

Those are only a few that immediately come to my mind. Have you ever thought about where you were a year ago at this time? Who your friends were, what lessons you were learning, what trials you were going through, where your relationship with God was? Are things noticeably different to where you are now?

Something I am very sensitive about in my relationship with the Lord is complacency. I never want to become apathetic towards God, I always want to be growing, moving forward, moving closer to Him than I was the day before. I want to encourage and challenge you in this, to ask the Holy Spirit to make you aware of any apathy in your life, and to pray for a insatiable desire to grow closer to His heart always. I always have to remind myself: When I look back on my life, whether I'm looking back 6 months, one year, or fifteen years, I will never regret living my life for Jesus. Things of this world will pass away, but I will never regret surrendering my life to the Lord, and watching him use me, shape me, and bless my life and others through me.

Reflect on where you were a year ago, and where you are now. Are you the same person? Have you taken steps forward or steps back?

Guest Post :: Christy from 25 Before 25

2011-08-17T07:08:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! I'm Christy! I blog over at 25 Before 25 where I chronicle my journey to do a whole bunch of awesome stuff before I turn 25. I'm also Chloe's other half over Confessions on Conquering 26.2 (our poor, neglected little blog). While Chloe is enjoying vacation in Martha's vineyard with her family, I'm pounding the pavement racking up enough miles for both of us in preparation for the Marine Corps Marathon on October 30.

See, Chloe and I had this fantastic plan of running the New York City Marathon together but she got in and I didn't. How rude. Instead, I'll be resting my legs after having just finished my 2nd marathon 6 short days before and cheering my face off for Chloe while she pounds her little legs over the hills of Harlem to her own 2nd marathon finish.

I haven't always been a runner. I was always active growing up and played soccer and judo and like Chloe, danced. I actually didn't start running until about a year and a half ago. I was living in Boston suffering through my first New England winter in my first job out of college which I hated. I was (and still am) in a long distance relationship and far away from all of my family and friends and stressed out to the max. I needed an outlet. So I joined a gym and started warming up every day by running on the treadmill.

The first time I got on the treadmill, it took me 22 minutes to run 2 miles and I wanted to quit after about 5 minutes, but I was determined to let myself get in at least 20. From there on, I started running every other day and every once in awhile, I would have a really bad day at work and just run, completely ignoring the treadmill's screen.

When I hit 5 miles after a particularly bad day, a friend asked me to sign up for a 10k (6.2 mile) run with her. If I could run 5 miles, I could surely run 6. Well, it wasn't as easy as I thought. In fact, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. (You can read about it here). But I felt so accomplished and so excited, that I went home that night and signed up for a Half-Marathon 6 weeks away. I found a training plan that coincided with what I had been running already and I did it. During this time, I started my blog and added to my list of 25 things to do before I turned 25 running a marathon. I figured, if I gave myself a year to really commit to running, I could train for a marathon. But the day I crossed the finish line of my first half, I was hooked. I signed up for the Philadelphia Marathon that night.

A minor injury sidelined me for the better part of the summer but I was still able to get in the training I needed to cross the finish line in Philadelphia in November of 2010. I had never worked or trained so hard for anything in my life and I couldn't wait to do it again. I took the winter to run a few shorter races and another half marathon and here I am, in the middle of training for Marathon #2. And I'm already planning Marathon #3.

A lot of people think the idea of running a marathon is crazy. They're right. But you know what, it's the same kind of crazy as going on a roller coaster. You get that same adrenaline rush, that same high, but afterwards, you feel accomplished and no one can take that away from you. No matter how you did at your first marathon, no one will be unimpressed when you tell them, "Yea, I ran a marathon."

So what are you waiting for? Pick up your shoes and go for a run. Start walking if you have to. Whether you run a marathon or not, I promise you that running is a hobby that will be the biggest release for you. And if you don't like it? I promise that in your attempt to become a runner, you'll find another fitness activity that you enjoy even more. It doesn't matter if it's spinning, swimming, rowing, whatever, just get out there and do something.

Thanks for having me Chloe!

Guest Post :: Emily from Live a Charmed Life

2011-08-15T07:05:00.002-04:00

Many thanks to Emily for her below post on meal planning!

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There are 3 major things that bother me about grocery shopping and meal planning.

weheartit.

#1 - I loathe going to the grocery store.
#2 - I hate seeing my total after I check out.
#3 - I can't stand wasting time wandering through the aisles.

After being married for awhile and wasting food that never got cooked, making several trips to the grocery store in one week, and over all probably wasting a huge amount of money and time on groceries my husband (Jonathan) and I finally decided we need to come up with some type of meal planning / grocery shopping system.

We first use a free printable I found on-line to plan our meals for the week. There are several ways to do this. The first being you can just pick meals you would like to cook and go from there. Jonathan and I do it with our schedules for the week in mind and leave room for left overs usually (unless they are going to used for lunches). You can also have different themes for each night. You can do money saving themes such as pasta night, breakfast for dinner night, or vegetarian night. Or, you could just do food themes that you like such as Chinese, Mexican, or Italian.

Our weekly menu is as follows:

Monday - Leftovers from Sunday
Tuesday - Crock Pot
Wednesday - Vegetarian
Thursday - Hearty Meat
Friday - Leftovers
Saturday - Grill
Sunday - Pasta

I keep all of this information in our Family Binder. (I posted about that here.)

When making our menu we took into account the fact that #1 I don't cook (shocker, I know!), #2 my husband is a football coach and has a crazy busy schedule, and #3 I work on Mondays and Wednesdays.

Normally people take a break on Sundays but we can't because since my husband works late on Monday this non-cooker needs to be able to eat some left overs. On Tuesday I don't work so I can monitor a slow cooker if my husband puts all the ingredients in there for me :) Wednesday and Thursday my husband is home so he can cook. We make those big meals so that we can have leftovers on Friday since most football games are on Friday nights. Saturday we do a fun grilling day in honor of the weekend being here!

Our grocery bill every week is only in the 80's (even with buying formula every week) and we only shop at HEB. We set aside 100$ for groceries so we actually end up saving nearly 20$ a week on groceries by meal planning and using just a few coupons.

Some other money saving tips are to buy in bulk. If you know you use a lot of ground turkey (like we do) then buy it in a large size, divide it up into the amount you'll end up cooking it, and freeze it in those individual servings. Buying in bulk always saves you money in the long run.

Ok people, get to meal planning!

-Emily

Martha's Vineyard, You Have My Heart

2011-08-12T16:02:00.000-04:00

In a little over 24 hours, me and my family (read: EXTENDED HISPANIC FAMILY. Pray for my gringo father & husband.) will be on a ferry to one of my favorite places in the world, Martha's Vineyard.

Home of the adult sized rocking horses.

You know who will be trekking herself back to get on this baby again this year.

All this to be said, since you all will miss my oh-so-frequent blogging, I have enlisted some of my favorite bloggers to guest post this week, and I know you'll love them.

And in my absence, why don't you enter my oh-so-popular raffle?? :)

Seriously, these women who donated their handiwork have some amazing stuff and were so generous in their donations, and it's very worth entering. Plus it's for a good cause! Win-win! And to get the ball rolling, whoever enters the raffle first will get 5 extra entries! How's that for inspiration? :)

Alright, everyone enjoy the last breaths of summer!
I'll be back after I get on that rocking horse!

"God, You Can't"

2011-08-11T08:32:00.001-04:00

The other day, as in yesterday, I had myself a huge helping of humble pie. It wasn't tasty, but it was necessary.

Allow me to explain. Remember my brother Lance who is an urban missionary? Well on Tuesday, he called my mother to tell her that he and two other missionaries were about to enter an abandoned warehouse, that dozens upon dozens of heroine addicts call home.

Last time some missionaries venture in there,

one got hit in the head with a lead pipe and had to be hospitalized.

Obviously, heroine is bad news, and those addicted are seriously not in their right minds. Lance told my mom to pray, and that if she got a call from the hospital, she would have an idea why.

My mother then calls me and tells me to pray. So I do.

"God, you CANNOT take my brother."

End of prayer.

Somehow, despite my poor attitude of telling God what to do, He surrounded me with peace, knowing that it was going to be okay, no matter what happened. Even if Lance ended up in the hospital.

About an hour later, my mother called to say Lance was okay. His remarks were that it was the most amazing thing he's experienced, but not in a good way. He was utterly blown away that people are living like that in this country, and this is that he's been working with the homeless since last December. Some living there told the missionaries of a pregnant woman living upstairs. They went to go find her, and though she wasn't there, they saw her living area and he said to call it disgusting didn't even come close to doing it justice. And she was expecting a baby.

And at the end of it all, Lance just went on and on about how he loves his job. And they're going back to get that pregnant woman out of there.

Is he insane?

That evening, my baby was crying from a hurt tummy. We put on some soothing hymns, and I read to him from the bible that was his daddy's as a baby, and we read the story of Jesus. Baby Jesus...who was born in a barn.

I then wonder -- if Jesus was sent to the world today, would it only the have been heroine addicts who made space for our Savior's birth? Would the King of Kings be born in conditions like that? I truly wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. God does choose the lowly of this world to shame the proud...the proud like me.

The magnitude of Mary's birth story hits me hard for the first time, as "The First Noel" clearly does not do this aspect of the story justice. I tear up thinking of it.

The next morning, it is early, and I run. I get worked up thinking about how Lance was going back, and how I wouldn't let God take him, and wasn't there another way to help these people? Was there another way to save that baby, snuggled in his mommy's womb unaware of the evils surrounding his tiny life?

"God, you CANNOT take my brother."

Then God whispers,

"Ah but they took my Son, and I let them....for you."

Oh how I have to much to learn. But God is so patiently working on my yet.

However, I know this -- living the American dream isn't really living. And there is no other way - to change the world; we have to go to the world, even at great risk. I don't worry about Lance, he's in God's hands. But I do worry about myself, wondering what eternal difference I have been continually failing to make. I have no excuse. To those have been given much, much is required. Even if we should live as a lawyer family in America for the rest of our lives, I have no excuse. The world is dying, and I owe them a great debt.

God, make me a light in your dark world, no matter the cost. Thank you for world changers like Lance, but let us not leave the dirty work to them. May me and my family never get comfortable in this world, but always be living for the next.

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We can start small, allowing God to use us in however He pleases.

Won't you help take small steps to change at least one child's world?

I would love it if you did. :)

a raffle you (probably) do not want to miss!

2011-08-11T07:23:00.000-04:00

Most of you may know by now that I will be running the NYC Marathon this coming November, but most of you probably don't know that I will be running for Team Samaritan's Purse, raising funds and awareness for Children's Heart Project, a program that brings in third world children with congenital heart disease to North America to receive their life-saving surgeries.

To learn more about this project, you can

watch my video on my fundraising:

visit my fundraising site: here

visit the Children's Heart Project site: here

This is my second time running a marathon for charity, and with this second time around, I am pleased to say that I have been able to involve many people in getting together in creating one amazing raffle, all in the name of saving these children's lives! Thank you in advance to these awesome sponsors who were so excited to jump on board in my fundraising project - I am SO grateful for all of you!

Now to the good part -- how to get in the running to win some of these amazing prizes! There truly is something for everyone!

First, in order to enter, you must go to my donation page & purchase your "tickets". Here's the breakdown:

$5 - one ticket/entry

$10 - three tickets/entries

$20 - five tickets/entries

$30 - ten tickets/entries

$40 - fifteen tickets/entries

$50 - twenty tickets/entries

....from any amount higher than that, you go up five tickets for each $10 increment (i.e. $70 will get you thirty entries). Then with your donation, you will be in the running to win one of the below prizes - none of which you will want to miss! I will draw two winners every Friday starting September 2nd, who will then have their choice of available prizes.

Take a look at what you can win, courtesy of these amazing sponsors...

(NOTE: Be sure to visit their listed websites, for if you win a credit to the store, this is only a sampling of what they have to offer!)

a you-pick-two gift set from little bean embroidery, with your choice of two burp cloths, bibs, onesies, or any combination thereof.

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one owl baby hat from Sweet Nothings!

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set of 7x20 burp cloths from Rügrat Dēsign.

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a $15 credit to babyboofelt shop.

one print of winner's choice from volume twenty five.

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A $20 credit to Already Been Chewed and/or Scrunch Nose Shoes

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Love Forever and Always necklace from The Run Home -- Etsy Shop

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Believe in the Marathon necklace from therunhome.com

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$25 credit to Handmade Colectibles

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one 8x10 print of winner's choice from sugar fresh

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one 8x10 print of winner's choice from sugar fresh.

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$25 credit to ten.thirty-one

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Some pretty fantastic prizes, no? :)

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For extra entries after donating, you can:

1. Be a follower of my blog.

2. Visit any of the above shops and tell me which item is your favorite.

(+1 entry for each store visited!)

3. Tell me which item you would choose if you won.

4. Post about the raffle on your blog, Facebook, and/or Twitter.

(+1 for each!)

No need for separate comments,

just let me know how many entries you have, and how you got them.

Again, a HUGE thank you to the above sponsors! And on the off-chance that there's nothing here to your liking, be sure to check back as more prizes may be added soon! If YOU would like to donate a prize to the raffle, it's not too late to help out a great cause! Just send me an email at chlooeee{at}gmail{dot}com. :)

Best wishes to everyone, and thanks in advance for entering!

I'm so not creative

2011-08-03T16:05:00.002-04:00

I think my baby is going through a growth spurt at the moment, and thus has been taking an unusual amount of naps. Either that, or he's getting close to that magic three month mark where children become brand new babies who sleep through the night and have scheduled naps and feedings. I mean, Gee sleeps through the night, but naps and feedings are all over the place. Though due to the former, I will take the latter any day. But I digress.

With this new found free time, I actually have time to write a real blog post, only to face a blank screen without a clue as to what to write about. I think that I was a better writer when I did this more often, and now that mommying take high priority over blogging, I'm in a creative slump. Hence why all my posts are blurb, update, or picture posts. Oh well. C'est la vie.

Since I've now fed and calmed down my baby and gotten him back to sleep (when all it took was a little burp), and I still haven't gotten any inspiration, one-liners it is. Okay, it may be more than one line, but one-or-more-liners doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

::::: ::::: :::::

My baby is seriously the cutest baby I've ever seen.

My family goes back to Martha's Vineyard in 10 days!

My grandmother just got all the home videos from our childhood put on dvd and I'm crying tears of laughter from watching them. We were so weird.

True life story: in one of the videos, two of my cousins, myself (at age 10), and my older brother were putting on a Star Wars-esque skit, and my one cousin who is my age says "We're going to the policeman, and this is our ship!", which in real life is made of Legos and I shut down his idea and say "Let's just RUN to the policeman!" Oh the irony, especially since running was so far off my radar then. I was going to be a ballerina. Duh.

Last night, Josiah and I went downtown to get some ice cream and took Gee with us. Then we walked past the downtown area to a frozen yogurt shop, all the while I was complaining that the walk was too far. I hate that I did that. Life is more precious than complaining, and I was on a date with my two absolute favorite people in the world. Learn from my mistakes and just enjoy life in the moment, right now.

I never actually call my child Gee or Gee Baby in real life.
Stinky Face, Booger, The Squishy One, Smelly Boy, yes, but never Gee or Gee Baby.

There is actually a pitcher on the Mets with the last name Gee. I didn't realize this until after I dubbed my son "Gee Baby", as baseball was so off my radar when I was expecting. Oh the irony. :)

Josiah starts his last year of law school in 19 days! I'm so excited to help him knock this last year out of the park.

Speaking of law school, I know he's going to be mad at my saying this, but Josiah got into Law Review on his first try! For you non-law-school-ies, it's a pretty big deal. It's the hardest journal to get on in any law school, but I always knew he would make it. He's a stud, that man of mine. :)

3 months, 3 days until the NYC Marathon. I have mixed feelings about that ticker up there...

It's been a long week.

My sister-in-law conned me into joining Pinterest, and I have to say I really like it! It's not something I sit on for way too long (coughfacebookcough) but is a great place to keep all the things I like online organized, as well as for finding good ideas. So long, ridiculously long bookmarks bar! My username is chloeruns if you want to follow me. :)

The Booger has taken about seven 20 minute naps. Doesn't he realize one 2 hour nap would be so much more restful for the both of us? Silly baby.

I like to squeeze my baby, and sometimes when I do, it helps get his burps out. Win-win.

I ~~loathe~~ really don't like when people are interviewed for a blog, and when they're asked if they have children, they say yes and continue on to talk about their "fur-babies". Holy Moses - I mean, really? I know dogs are lovable and have personalities and are a lot of work and truly become part of one's family but seriously - it's a dog. Not even close to being close to the same level of a child. Can I get an amen?

In a little over a month's time, I will have read through the whole Old Testament! Remember my resolution? I've been pretty good at sticking with it. Certainly I've fallen a week plus behind, but I manage to catch back up and average about 1-2 days behind. Still, I'm excited that God has given me the mental stamina to make it this far!

Call me dumb, but I just discovered the stats bar on Blogger, and it was so cool to see! Who knew that people really read this thing! In case you were wondering, this is my most popular post. Weird. My announcement of Gee Baby's birth is all the way down at number four!

My baby brother's voice is changing. The little kid is growing up. I just shed a tear.

Okay, I didn't.

But in watching the home videos and seeing him as just a little baby and toddler, I can't believe he's going to be 13 this year. I remember when he was born so well. And now I hold my breath because I know I'll be saying the same thing about my son in what I'm sure will feel like seconds.

Speaking of birth, my birthday is in 26 days! There's a few things I want, but nothing I need. Well maybe ice cream cake. That could possibly be classified as a need.

...and just as I wrote that, I remember my malnourished baby sister in Africa waiting to come home. Excuse me while I surgically remove my large foot from my mouth.

Where is the balance, I wonder? I was talking about this with my mom, and sometimes I think I would love a sapphire anniversary ring from Josiah for our 10th or 15th anniversary, yet I can't help but think of how many children could eat or receive medical care with the cost of the ring or even of anything else I want but don't need. Yet I don't think it's "wrong" to want and/or receive things. I guess the balance just comes in giving away as much as God asks from you, and relying on Him for discernment for the rest.

So I guess I don't even need ice cream cake.

Speaking of princesses (I know, we weren't, but the sapphire ring reminded me of Princess Kate), I secretly loved the name Pippa (Kate's sister) until I discovered that a lot of people openly love the name Pippa, and now it's soaring to the top of the baby name list. There goes that idea. I simply refuse to have a child with a name anywhere the top 100.

It's still a cute name though.
Philippa, not as much. Did I even spell that right?

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Holy long blog post, Batman. I should go before your eyeballs fall out of their sockets. This is of course, assuming anyone made it this far. If you did, I am stopping now for the sake of your eyeballs. You're welcome.

And thanks for reading. :)

Weekending

2011-08-02T07:51:00.001-04:00

This weekend...

I went to Ikea with my mom, my little sister, and Gee Baby. That place is dangerous, but I spent less than $20 on two things for Gee Baby's room. :) And Gee loved it! I had him in the Moby facing forward, and he was enamored by the sights and colors. My son has good taste. :) And can I say how much I appreciate their kid-friendliness? Their baby changing rooms...yes entire rooms...are amazing! SO helpful for diaper changes and on-the-spot nursing. Good work, Ikea.

[Random sidenote: ever since my brother told me that his Swedish friend pronounces it as "ih-kay-uh" rather than "eye-key-uh", I so hate how we Americans have butchered it. Oh well, at least we have the better movies.]

This weekend...

Josiah and I watched Mao's Last Dancer with my family...

which made me reminiscent of my own dancing days...

[i'm the one in the back with my leg in the air]

[keeping it professional backstage]

[back when Josiah and I were dating...he bought me those pink roses]

This weekend...

I woke up early Saturday morning and ran six miles. Longest I've run since last fall, and my last mile was my fastest. I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself. :) And the thing that made it even sweeter was my husband and baby boy waiting for me outside afterwards...<3

ninety-six days until the New York City Marathon!

This weekend...

My mom ~~pried the baby from my hands~~ kindly offered to baby-sit while Josiah and I went on a real-live date! It wasn't anything too fancy, we just got some chinese food and went to see "Crazy Stupid Love", courtesy of that $4 Fandango deal a while back -- can't beat $4 for two people on a Saturday afternoon! And the movie was much better than I expected! Steve Carrell has yet to let me down...though I never saw 40 Year Old Virgin. Ahem.

This weekend...

Josiah and I went out to dinner with his parents. It was nice...but weird, in the sense that they have 6 kids, all of whom except Josiah live at home and their youngest is six years old...it's rare to see them in some place quiet!

This weekend...

Josiah ran 10 miles.

Straight.

As in one shot, without stopping.

I think he's ran 10 miles total this summer prior to Saturday.

I might have a little grudge against him.

Though it is nice being married to a studly athlete on the weekends slash hard-working brainiac during the weekdays.

This weekend...

I truly enjoyed life. :)

:::::

How was your weekend?

Some July Happenings

2011-07-27T10:32:00.000-04:00

Since I actually have run, showered, eaten, uploaded my million Gee baby pictures onto Flickr, and read my bible today AND the baby is actually sleeping after I got the aforementioned completed, I thought to myself "Oh em gee self, you should blog!"

Or vacuum.

I'll let you guess which one won.

Of course now I'm holding my proverbial breath waiting to hear the baby start wailing on the monitor. Quick self, type fast.

...and denied. Baby woke up. Finish up later. :)

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Aaaand later ended up being the morning following.

Oh well. :) It's worth it being Gee Baby's mommy.

So training has been going okay. I ran on the track yesterday morning to give my legs a break from the concrete/asphalt, and with the awful heat wave finally broken, I was actually able to enjoy myself! I'm super slow though...it will take me quite a while to get back to the speed I used to run. But I cannot complain, it's so wonderful running again, especially on mornings as beautiful as yesterday's. Though it is pitiful how scared I am of running six miles this Saturday. Oh well, it's good for my humility. :)

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It is amazing to think that Gee Baby didn't just happen in my belly, but that God wanted him on this earth and chose ME to be his mother. An exciting thought, to say the least! It's a lot of responsibility, but I know God fills all the holes of my inadequacy for His glory. :) And my heart swells with so much love for this child, but it doesn't even compare to how much God loves him...or me. Truly breathtaking to think about.

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A new trick that The Booger has been working on is pulling on the front of his shirt like he's going to rip it off Superman-style. Maybe all of our playing Superman with him has gotten to his head.

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Josiah and I went to a friend's wedding this past Saturday, and we matched because we're cool like that. :) Matching so did NOT go out of style in the 3rd grade...

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Have you ever had Ben & Jerry's "Imagine Whirled Peace" ice cream?

AMAZING.

It's a favorite that my brother and I share, so when my in-laws were all together at my parent's house with my family, Lance and I decided not to share.

I entitled this photo "Selfish Pigs".

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On a completely different note, I love how simple yet complex this is:

I think God gave us the impossible to accomplish because then we have no choice but to rely on Him. Not a bad way to be. But notice how it says "LEARN to do good"? Meaning it doesn't come supernaturally, we have to work at it people. Self, get your act together -- you ARE accountable for your actions.

{Oh and I didn't watermark this one because

you can steal it if you would like.} :)

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Alright, I should probably go vacuum now.

3 posts in one week?? a post-pregnancy record!

2011-07-22T11:53:00.001-04:00

1. One of my happiest moments ever was when Josiah proposed atop the Empire State Building...and holding my baby for the very first time. Typical, but it's hard to beat.

2. Summer is wedding season and weddings are so much fun! I love celebrating two people in love. Going to a wedding tomorrow!

3. This summer the weather has been pleasant, with the exception of this oven of a week. Sad to say I haven't made it to the beach at all this year...sigh.

4. My summer food of choice has been tomatoes and basil, preferably together. :)

5. My summer uniform has been tank tops, running pants, no shoes. Comfy clothes that I can nurse easily in. Yes, I'm a new mom and I wouldn't trade it for the world. :) So long, uncomfortable work attire!

6. If I could spend the entire summer in one location I would choose umm, Italy. Maybe after a whole summer, I would finally be fluent. Professor Confalonieri, I'm still trying!

7. My summer anthem is depends on the summer....one year it was "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter...Lindsey :)

Happy Friday!

a few moments in life...

2011-07-21T07:22:00.003-04:00

Isaiah 31: 1, 3

Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help, who rely on horses, who trust in the multitude of their chariots and in the great strength of their horsemen, but do not look to the Holy One of Israel,or seek help from the LORD... the Egyptians are mere mortals and not God; their horses are flesh and not spirit.

Confession: sometimes God asks me to do things I truly feel I have no human capacity to do.

One might call these things impossible, or too risky to even think about. And yet God keeps placing this crazily related scriptures in my daily reading plan that I know is not coincidental. Much like the incredible story of Gideon, somehow I think God wants to get glory out of the humanly impossible. Some days it excites me to leap into the arms of God, not knowing when He'll catch me, only that He will. Other days I want to crawl away like Jonah and try to hid from God.

But I am going to take the route of Gideon - let God know how inadequate I feel and rest in His strength that He wants to use me anyway. Besides, He gets all the glory when we know we can't do it on our own anyway.

.....

On Tuesday, Josiah bought me flower just because.

Those are the best kind of flowers. :)

Gee Baby has made some new friends!

My grandmother found this like-new playmat on the side of the road, and he LOVES it...but don't worry, he and the panda are still great friends. :)

.....

There seems to have been a big baby boom this year, and it's so wonderful. Even some of our dearest friends from NJ who aren't able to have kids just got the call that a mom has chosen them to adopt the baby boy she's about to have in September - a new best buddy for Gee Baby! It's so wonderful witnessing new life all around. God is awesome. :)

Kind of a vlog? ...but not exactly

2011-07-18T17:51:00.000-04:00

Just a little message about something taking a lot of my time :)

learn more here.
i'm excited. :)

you should be too...incentive raffle coming SOON...

Two Months Old!

2011-07-13T15:55:00.000-04:00

Gee Baby is two months old today, and what a two months it has been! I absolutely love being his mommy, and treasure these early days so very much. And what a fun baby he is! I love his crazy antics.

Having fun with Uncle Lance at the pool.

Sleeping: He's still all over the place with his day naps, but he's now faithfully falling asleep at 11pm every night and doesn't wake up until 6:30am for a feeding, and goes back to sleep until anywhere from 8:30 to 10. The days may occasionally be a struggle, but with these amazing night sleeps, I'll take it!

Eating: He's eating "less", but still a ton. He is going for longer bouts of happiness between feedings, and eats for longer periods of time, which allows for more of my milk to come in. There have been some days of struggle with nursing him, but it's always worth it - for both of us. He's also started eating his hands more and started finding his thumb, but never hangs on to it for long.

Habits: His legs are getting super strong, and he likes to kick everything and arch his back, especially when he's mad. He also likes to "stand up" with a lot of his weight on his legs, which makes me a little nervous. He also smiles SO much when we talk to him now, and after his afternoon nap, he's super happy and we have so much fun together! :) And he loves to look at the hanging panda from his bouncer...not the lion or the weird green ring JUST the panda. He often talks to him, and they have great conversations, and apparently panda is quite the comic because Gee baby often cracks up while talking to him. It's pretty much the cutest thing ever to watch.

Likes: Walks in the stroller (which are sometimes the only thing that will calm him down). The hanging panda on his bouncer. Eating anything near his mouth. Being Superman (see above photo). Watching ceiling fans. REAL baths (not sponge), and having his hair washed. Being the center of attention. Watching my grandparents' dog Lily. Hanging out in mommy and daddy's bed in the mornings.

Dislikes: Cold pools. Being put down even for a second if he's still hungry. Being too hot.

Clothes: He's wearing mostly 3 months clothing, which fit him length wise but are still way too wide. He still fits in a few newborn onesies, but not many. He's outgrowing most of his socks and baby booties, sad day. A lot of 3 month clothing is still way too big.

Highlights: He's laughing now, sometimes in his sleep which is SO funny to watch. He seems to really know me and Josiah, but is happier for longer periods when others hold him. He also sounds like a boy when he cries and makes noises -- weird but true!

A Blogging Thought

2011-07-11T07:49:00.000-04:00

weheartit. couldn't resist.

I like blogging. A lot.

I love reading posts from months and even years past (read: high school xanga) and remembering my crazy beautiful mess of a LIFE. I also love the bits of life I read from others, and have made some so-not-creepy blogging friends because of it.

But it definitely is a huge time investment. This wasn't a big problem for a while because it gave me something to do during the slow afternoons at work, and thus didn't take away from husband/real lif time. But now that I'm a mom, life has suddenly take a huge change for the wonderful, but also for the very busy. I have to make an effort to blog, usually when Gee Baby is napping, and all I often think about is 1) all the things I don't have time to blog about but want to and 2) how many other things I could get done during his naps. Which is why my posts have been so crazy short as of late.

So what's a new mom to do? There's so many other things that could use my time investment, like spending quiet time with God and training for a marathon a measly four months away and hanging out with my husband and sometimes with our families and reading this million and a half books I'd like to read and investing in the lives of those God has placed in my life. Forget about chores and errands that need to get done.

But then there's so much life, and I want to remember it ALL (or at least a lot of it) and that's why I love blogging and think it would be worth some time investment.

So where's the balance? I certainly don't know.

And while this isn't a "I'm taking a blog break" or "I'm leaving my blog" post, maybe it's a "I'll probably never blog the same way again" post. Or maybe I will...but it won't be for a while.

.....

How do you mom bloggers find the balance between living life and recording life?

Wordless Wednesday: Baby Toes

2011-07-06T12:08:00.000-04:00

the best two years of my life

2011-07-04T07:39:00.002-04:00

I am blessed beyond belief.

Josiah, you are perfect for me. Thanks for loving me, even though I'm all over the place. I love you, I love your heart, and my heart melts watching you with our baby boy. Let's be this in love forever, k?

Love, me

.....

happy 4th of july.

First time in the pool!

2011-07-01T12:29:00.000-04:00

This little boy's daddy is a water-lover and was a competitive swimmer for YEARS (going all the way to jr. olympics), so it was only right that his daddy take him for his first swim. He cried the whole time, but I just blame that on his being hungry. :)

Better get used to loving the water, Gee Baby, because you have hard-core beach bums for parents!

4 semesters of law school and 1 baby later...

2011-06-29T16:23:00.000-04:00

Our 2nd anniversary is this coming Monday!

It has been an incredible ride and I love him so much still!(and can I say how wonderful our wedding was?!)
Anyway, we don't have any celebratory plans so far...anyone got any good ideas for something fun, inexpensive and baby-friendly? :)
If not, I'm not too worried...if we're together, I'll be a happy girl.
....
What are your 4th of July plans?

Sunday Best!

2011-06-26T21:00:00.003-04:00

i'm not generally one to post my outfits [you'll see why in minute] , but i love this link-up michelle is doing! click on the picture to join in. :]

[dress: i think macy's / shoes: thrift store / necklace: this one / earrings: probably target]

...and that's why i don't do outfit post...i hardly know where my clothes come from!

....

"The gospel destroys racial barriers."

[from today's sermon]

The angels in heaven were singing for joy...

2011-06-24T11:13:00.003-04:00

Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it. Luke 18:16

Seth Boyden Baptisms from Juan Galloway on Vimeo.
Some of you remember my feature on my older brother Lance who is a missionary in New York City and it's surrounding New Jersey cities. Above is a video of street baptisms performed by his organization for children living in a housing project surrounded by prostitution, drugs, and often gang fights right in the streets. Praise God with me as His powerful light shines in the midst of darkness through these precious little children...and be sure to grab a tissue. :)
(and see if you can spot my older and younger brother!)

Lately...

2011-06-22T17:24:00.000-04:00

Lately I just stare at my sleeping little boy, whose little lungs move ever so slightly on his tiny body and his too-big ears melt my heart as they stick out from his precious little head, as I am overwhelmed with love and awe over his mere existence and the fact that God has chosen me to be his mother...

Lately my heart beats with excitement to start training for the New York City Marathon, to feel the harsh wind in my lungs and the unforgiving pavement push back as I stride one foot after the other, all in pursuit of that finish line waiting for me one November day....

...funny thing is, neither of those things were supposed to happen now, according to my timeline...

Lately I've been reading One Thousand Gifts, completely in awe of how simply beautiful life already is - even amid the ugliness - once we make it a habit to look for the beauty, and I desire to dig deeper on how to cultivate deep and meaningful gratitude in my incredibly blessed life.

Lately I've been reading Katie's blog, overwhelmed with how selfless she is and how far my faith seems from being able to take on drastic calling as hers, as I desire to be at the point where I fear no calling God places on my family, but become thrilled with the mere thought of just living for him today.

...funny thing is, in the deep mass of my tangled and often incomprehensible thoughts, these things are somehow all connected...

I know I hardly make sense, as I barely understand myself, but I am thrilled over the fact that I know God has me right where I am today to bring Him glory. If I have to search for it or if God decides to reveal it to me, I cannot wait to find out how.

God has you where you are, as menial, simple, hard, or overwhelming it may be, to bring Him glory too. God doesn't make mistakes, but we often mistake this life as something to get through day after day when everything we do was designed to bring Him glory.

Colossians 3:17

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Somehow I think that "whatever" includes things like nursing babies and washing dishes and running marathons, but giving God the glory through these thing doesn't just happen, we have to fight for it.

It's here in this beautiful challenge where my life happenings collide as I hold my proverbial breath waiting for God to say

go.

{I don't know what that will entail, but I can't wait to find out.}

Meeting Christy from 25 Before 25 (finally!)

2011-06-21T16:30:00.000-04:00

For those of you who have been following me for a while (as in since before I became pregnant) you may recall that little running hobby I had....remember? That one? I know, it's been a while. But once upon a time I really ran quite often, and was getting semi-good at it. I even had a separate co-written blog solely dedicated to running. Remember this one?

Yes, that poor neglected blog.

Well its neglect aside, yesterday I FINALLY met Christy, my co-writer!

Yes, I blurred out my child's face. I'm THAT parent.

Long story short, when we started talking more frequently and began the running blog, it came up one time in conversation where we were both from and it ended up that we grew up a town over from one another! What were the odds of that?? So we finally had a time where we were both in the right place at the right time and met up for lunch, where we stayed and talked long after we finished eating. And can I just say what a sweet person she is? SO sweet! And it was awesome to go on and on about running and training plans for our marathons - don't really talk about that with many of my friends! I'm just sad that her incredible summer travels won't allow us to hang out more! But we're definitely going to meet up again during the NYC Marathon weekend as she'll be back living in the city then. And take a look at what she got for me...

My first piece of NYC Marathon paraphernalia! Exciting!

(...though something tells me this won't be the last...)

So it was a lovely afternoon that was only ended because a certain someone of a smaller size needed to get home. Can't wait to meet up again!

...

And for those of you who so dearly miss my bajillion running posts (you know, all two and a half of you), have no fear, my running days are returning soon, very soon. Get excited...I know I am!

300th Post, Monkey Butt and Wee Bits...

2011-06-15T14:07:00.000-04:00

This is my 300th post! I sadly don't have anything uber exciting to say or share...except thanks for reading? :)

I do have exciting-to-me news though! My baby boy has started smiling at people! It's the most precious smile I've ever seen, and he smiles the most at his daddy. <33 How I love these handsome men, and their love for each other...and for me :)

And more exciting-to-me news! I took this seemingly harmless photo of his monkey butt pants my mom just bought for him...

...and shortly after this photo was taken, he decided tummy time was over and rolled on to his back. What a strong baby! :)

...

And now for some things you never knew you wanted to know about me! (aka, easy blogging material for a girl currently on the hunt for half her brain cells. If you see some walking around let me know. Thanks.)

1. what color best describes you + why?

Orange! Okay, that's just my favorite color. But much like orange, I can be a fun happy shade, a bright obnoxious shade, or a burnt-out, blah shade.

2. how have you changed in the past year?

Well, I became a mom! And God has taught me some painful but beautiful lessons that I hope have made me a less self-absorbed person.

3. have you ever had any surgeries?

Sigh, yes..my c-section. I got a fantastic consolation prize though!

4. why did you start your blog?

Well initially it was because I had a xanga in high school and I enjoyed looking back on my life back then, as ridiculous as it sometimes was, so I started one with blogger for my college phase of life, but ended up being really bad about writing in it. It was only after I got my receptionist job with the slowest afternoons ever that I really got into it.

5. what are you looking forward to this summer?

Hanging out a lot with family, training for the New York City Marathon, my 2nd wedding anniversary, vacation to Martha's Vineyard. :)

6. do you have any family traditions for the 4th of July?

Growing up we never did the same thing, but now it's my wedding anniversary so it will now probably always be a day spent with just Josiah -- and I'm quite alright with that!

7. what’s something new that you’ve tried in the past few months?

Being a mommy, and I have to say that so far, as hard as it can be, I absolutely love it!

8. what is the perfect a/c temperature?

72 degrees. And I would know, my dad owns an a/c installation company.

9. what was the last movie you saw in the theater?

Midnight in Paris - Gee Baby's first movie! He wasn't too impressed as he slept through most of it but I thought it was cute! Definitely a new favorite.

10. what song do you think everyone should hear at least once?

Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze". Here, have a listen. :)

There's a billion more that I could put here, but don't have the brainpower to think of more right now. Anything by U2 though is bound to be awesome, in case you were wondering.
...
Hope your Wednesday is a happy one!

Oh, happy day

2011-06-13T10:36:00.000-04:00

Attention world!

4 weeks and 3 days after giving birth to my first born child, I can button my pre-pregnancy jeans!!

(these ones, in case you were wondering)

(but no, I am not currently that tan, thanks for asking)

Okay fine, so they're a little snug still, but they button without ~~any~~ much struggle! 30lbs down, about 7 more to go, not too bad for a girl who's done basically nothing. Ha.

Hoping marathon training takes care of those last few suckers...

One Month Old

2011-06-10T09:15:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe, but Gee Baby is one month old today! It's been a busy, event-filled and wonderful four weeks and I've loving being his momma like crazy! Sure it can be hard nursing him for what feels like the 800th time before 10 in the morning, but when I look down at that sweet little face, it's hard to get frustrated! Here's his one month update:

Sleeping: Well he had a general schedule during his first two weeks but now it's anyone's guess! Generally he'll either take one or two little naps in the morning (20 minutes or less) then a real big one in the afternoon (2+ hours) or he'll take a whole bunch of little naps throughout the day. Often if I go out during the day, it'll be a whole bunch of little naps kinda day, but that's not always the case. However, he does sleep VERY well at night, and for that I can't complain! He wakes up AT MOST 3 times a night, though most often only once or twice. But then how long it takes him to go back to sleep can be variable as well - usually he goes back to sleep nice and quick but there have been a few nights where he'll be wide awake for two hours! Thankfully if he eats enough, he doesn't mind chilling out in his swing for a while and will usually fall back asleep in there after sometime.

Eating: ...aka his favorite thing to do! Josiah likes to say "That's my boy!" regarding his CRAZY eating habits, haha. The general rule is if his eyes are open, he wants to eat. Okay, it's getting better but for a while that was honestly true! Now he has about a half hour window after he eats where he'll be happy with other people, unless he falls asleep, then he'll obviously be okay for a while longer. :) But there's truly no "every two hours" deal with boy, more like every fifteen minutes! Thank goodness for a fantastic nursing cover!

Habits: He crosses his eyes if he focuses too much on one thing, poor baby! It's so cute though. :) And he also has been focusing on particular things a lot. He's such an observant little baby and often looks people in the eye when they talk to him. He also is getting so good at holding his head up, which he's been trying to since his birthday! If we sit him upright, he'll pick his head up for a good few seconds before he flops over. It's so cute seeing his scrawny little neck stick up straight! <3 He also likes getting out of his swaddle because he likes to flail his arms around. This wouldn't be a problem except that we have to swaddle him when he sleeps because he wakes himself up with said flailing. Thankfully, I remembered we had one of these, velcro straps and all...

via.

...and the swaddle escaping has since ceased, LOL. Mommy wins. He doesn't cry about it though, thankfully, but he has figured out to get his little hands to stick out the sides. What a booger.

Likes: Eating. Hanging out in his swing. Rides in the car. Getting his hair washed. Reading books with daddy. Being outside. Morning walks with mommy. Escaping out of his swaddle.

Dislikes: When we try to sneak in the pacifier when he's actually hungry. Not eating when he's awake. Sponge baths (but likes being hosed down with warm water!). Being gassy. Being in the Moby Wrap, which makes me so sad!

Clothes: Most everything newborn...some of which is still too big! He's one long and lean baby! He was 8.8lbs when he was born so I'm guessing he's pretty close to (if not more than) 9lbs by now but everything is SO wide on him! The newborn onesies fit perfect in length now but will probably be too short by basically tomorrow. I'll still put 3 months clothes on him, even though they're big, because that's mostly what he has, but he swims in them.

Highlights: He slept through the entirety of church last Sunday! He's taking better to his baby carrier, so hopefully he'll like the Moby soon. If he's crying, he usually settles down if Josiah or I take him. He has the cutest little baby stretches I've ever seen! His facial expressions are both endless and priceless - it's so funny to watch all the faces he can make in a minute!

Well I think I remember most everything! So excited to see what is in store for Gee Baby's second month of life! :)

Courage

2011-06-09T11:20:00.000-04:00

weheartit.

...I wanted you to see what real courage is...It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.

- Atticus Finch, To Kill a Mockingbird

There's nothing quite like falling in love with your favorite book all over again.

mondays aren't so bad when you no longer go to work

2011-06-06T16:24:00.002-04:00

one. I'm blogging on a weekday!

Whoever thought such a thing was possible for me with a newborn?

two. I'm getting better at the nursing-24-hours-a-day-but-still-get-stuff-done bit. Gee baby (also lovingly referred to as "the booger") is eating once again, and yet I'm managing to type with two hands. I win. Also, his clothes are in the dryer, put there by ME...miraculous. My super hero mom powers are slowly but surely starting to form. Now just waiting for my cape to come in the mail.

three. I've been breaking in my new running shoes. And by breaking in, I mean I've taken two walks with them while pushing the booger, both just over a mile and both taking more energy out of me than I'd like to admit. But hey, at least I had cool shoes.

four. We got Gee baby's "newborn" (as in, umm, 3 weeks old haha) pictures taken this past weekend and they're GORGEOUS. I know I have bias galore, but my baby is pretty stinkin' cute. <33

five. I've read this amazing girl's blog before and each and every time I do, it rocks my world. But this post made me especially uncomfortable in a much-needed way. Though lengthy, I highly recommend reading it when you can. Makes me think twice before complaining about all the truly trivial things that annoy or irritate me and reevaluate that new dress that I "need"...Jesus gave it all, and all to Him I truly owe...

six. Thank you for all the encouraging comments about Gee baby's birth story! It was a long and hard saga (obviously), but for months before his birthday, I prayed that God would use his birth for His glory, and that was how He saw fit, so praise Him. I hope I didn't scare you soon-to-be or will-one-day-be mommies though! And I hope and pray you all have better labor experiences than I did, but regardless the end is so worth it!

seven. Random funny baby story: we "test" to see if he's hungry by kissing his face -- if he tries to eat said kissing person's nose, it's time to eat. He's so silly. :)

eight. Well gotta run...looks like he's trying to eat noses again and I gotta go fold that laundry! Happy Monday!

Gee Baby's Birth Story - Part III (The Finale!)

2011-06-04T18:01:00.000-04:00

Okay so I lied, it took me another week to write the next post. Oops, oh well. This boy needs to eat...a lot! He is in fact eating right now so I'm doing the pitiful one-hand typing deal. Oh well, gotta go with the flow.

Alright, last one, I PROMISE...thanks to you awesome people (all 3 or 4 of you) who have actually read all of this novel-length post. So it came time to push. I didn't realize how powerless I would feel to actually get the baby out...I thought I would have some sort of control of getting him down. The nurse had one leg and Josiah had the other and I was giving it everything I had but it felt like I was making no progress. Turns out, I wasn't. I pushed for an hour and a half with the nurse (and had been pushing uncontrollably for about half hour before she came) and nothing. He stayed at -1 station, which is where he had been when my doctor checked me the night before. The nurse could see the top of his head and said that she could "see hair!" This was at least exciting, because I hoped my baby would have hair. :)

So I pushed and pushed and pushed. Josiah encouraged me and told me with each contraction to give it everything I had...which I did. I just had so little left. The nurse finally called the doctor who was on call (who happened to be my OB's husband) to evaluate the situation. While he was there, I switched to the squatting position, with the help of Josiah who jumped up on the bed behind me to hold me up. It seemed to help, but the baby still wasn't budging. I wanted to cry, but didn't even have enough energy for that. I pushed maybe 5 more time while the doctor watched the monitor and was ready to let me keep pushing as long as everything stayed okay, but then his heart rate started dropping. And it didn't stop. Then what I never thought would happen to me in my labor, the doctor dropped the c word.

"I think we might have to do a c-section"

Throughout my entire pregnancy, this was the LAST thing I wanted. It was not going to happen to me. My mom had three super fast and problem free labors - why would I be any different?

Josiah asked about alternatives - about using forceps or anything to help the baby down, but he wasn't even far enough down to reach him with any of that. Then he asked the doctor and nurse to leave so we could talk about it, which they did without question. I will sat that what was amazing about this whole ordeal was that the second the doctor mentioned getting a c-section, I didn't despair or get angry but was overwhelmed with a complete sense of peace. Josiah called his mom out in the waiting room and explained the situation to her to see what she thought. She didn't find it unreasonable for them to want to do the c-section with my situation and Josiah hung up and asked what I thought. I just told him that I had nothing left, and I knew I didn't have the strength to get him out before something bad may have happened. So they came back in and we told them we would go ahead and get the c-section. Everything was then a mad dash to get me to the OR. All of a sudden there were nurses and doctors galore prepping me for surgery. My mom came in the room as they were changing my gown with tears in her eyes...I just looked at her and told her I was okay. I was still experiencing intense contractions though, and began one while she was standing there, and I no longer had control over myself during them and cried out in pain...my poor mother. I felt more sorry for her having to watch me then I did for myself at that moment. Then they wheeled me down and Josiah had to wait in the waiting room while they gave me the local anesthetic. Poor guy, he was worried to death about me, and it didn't help that I was still crying out in pain with every contraction, even as they were wheeling me down. It killed him to have to leave me even for a few minutes.

I was so blessed throughout this whole process. The anesthesiologist was awesome. He talked me through the whole process right from the beginning, held me up while I was going through yet another contraction while they injected me, had a bucket when I started gagging (I didn't throw up though, as I hadn't eaten in 24 hours), and sat right next to me during the entire surgery. He definitely made the process much more relaxing, but nothing put my heart more at ease than when Josiah was finally able to join me. He came and sat right by my side and poured out praises for how hard I worked for our baby and how proud he was of me and how he wasn't upset that I ended up getting the c-section but was just so happy that the baby and I were healthy.

It didn't take long, and they told Josiah when he could go ahead and look and as he saw them pull him out of me, he cried out amidst his tears "It's a boy! It's our G____!" (we had both names picked out well in advance) and I knew it - I just knew it. I felt so connected to the baby my whole pregnancy because I felt so strongly that it was a boy, but often held myself back because I didn't really know. But as soon as Josiah told me, my heart was so elated that my baby boy was in fact here. They cleaned him up quick and put him right in my arms and I've never seen anything more beautiful-both Josiah and I were weepy messes. So after that nearly 24 hour ordeal, the payoff in the end was so very worth it - my beautiful Gee baby, who weighed 8.8lbs and measured 21.5 inches. Who knows how the heck he fit in my belly!

Holding him after my time in recovery. He's got lots of hair. :)

And here we are, three weeks and one day later. He is such a beautiful baby, and so alert and attentive to everything around him. He has got big beautiful brown eyes and the cutest little button nose this momma's ever seen. And boy can he eat! If he's awake, he's generally eating, haha. But he's been nursing like a pro which was such a blessing! If the labor didn't go so well, at least nursing has been! :) And his sleeping has only been getting better and better, and he usually only wakes up once between around 3 and again around 7 in the morning. He gets the great sleeping skills from me, no doubt!

I've been recovering well, getting a little better every day. I've been more active, going to the store with my grandma and mom and even took my sweet Gee baby on a one mile walk by ourselves yesterday! I've got a long road ahead of me before the NYC Marathon, but that's something to worry about tomorrow. :)

So that was my birth story! Sorry it was such a long saga, but I truly wanted to remember as many details as possible down the road. Thanks for those of you who have hung in there this long! I am glad I finally finished though - my (pseudo) regularly scheduled programming will return soon! More stories about daily life with Gee baby and my (so far mental) training for New York to come. :)

Gee Baby's Birth Story - Part II

2011-05-28T08:15:00.001-04:00

Wow, well I didn't think it would take this long for me to get started on part II! Props to all you news moms who still manage to blog on a regular basis. Blogging has turned into a low priority for me as of late, due to trying to recover and still manage to take care of a newborn! It's exhausting but it's also amazing to see how God has continually provided...I have never been one to manage well on little sleep but no matter how little sleep I seem to get, I always seem to have just a little strength at the end of the day. It's not easy, but God truly never gives anything He won't carry us through.

Anyway, back to the birth story...

It was about 11pm when my doctor decided to start me on a low dosage of pitocin. It may have been all in my head due to the terrible connotation I had associated with pitocin in my mind, but I felt like my labor got 10 times more intense once the pitocin started. The next 7 hours were all a blur of pure misery. I got up often to go to the bathroom with the help of my amazingly dedicated and patient husband, and I would have at least two contractions before I was able to get out of the bathroom. It was agony. I would try to stand a while after getting up to see if it helped my contractions at all...it didn't. I tried squatting on the floor, sitting up, lying down, my mom and mother-in-law took turns in applying counter pressure to my back, and I squeezed the life out of Josiah's poor hand, but nothing seemed to help. Pardon my language, but it hurt like hell. The nurse came in what felt like one hundred times to up the pitocin (in reality, it was only 4) and I must've looked so pathetic as I begged her every time "Please no more!". Poor thing, she really was sweet. But she's seen it all, I'm sure.

My mother and mother-in-law would doze off a few minutes here and there, which I was actually happy about - I wanted them to get rest - but Josiah didn't blink once and only left my side twice..once to go to the bathroom and once to eat a hardboiled egg, which made me so nauseous I begged him to leave. I tear up thinking about how truly amazing he was. He told me so many times how strong I was and how proud he was of me and how much he loved me and he never complained when his hand started to bruise from my squeezing so hard. Even when I would look at him and say that I couldn't do it any more, he would stroke my hair and tell me that yes, I could, and he eventually started praying for me through every single contraction. I don't even remember his yawning. It truly would have been impossible for me to get through without him.

My OB came back at 6am, after laboring on pitocin for 7 hours, and had to check my cervix fast because I had so little time in between contractions. At this point, I had dilated to 3-4cm. This excited my OB and Josiah tremendously but I was deflated once again because even though I finally had dilated, I couldn't believe it was only to 4 maximum after the night of hell I had been through, and honestly had no idea how I could keep going to get my dilated to 10. I didn't voice any of this though because at this point, I was no longer talking. The most I could do was shake my head yes or no when my mom or MIL asked if I wanted counter pressure and mutter the word "ice" to Josiah when my throat was completely parched. I truly was in another world. Thinking back now, it's crazy to think where my mind was - I didn't even feel like the same person. She also broke my water at this time, in hopes of progressing labor more.

Oh yes, and I must mention that when my OB came in for what was the last time, she brought another nurse with her because my nurse was stuck in a meeting and let me tell you, I have never wanted to physically hurt another human being so badly as I wanted to hurt this lady. I was at the point where I would moan and groan through contractions, and tense my upper body, and the second this lady walks in and I go through a contraction, she literally YELLS at me, saying "YOU HAVE TO RELAX AND BREATHE! STOP TENSING UP - IT MAKES THINGS WORSE!" All I could manage to reply was "I can't help it!", but I wanted to say "YOU'RE MAKING THINGS WORSE AND I WANT MY OTHER NURSE BACK NOW!" But Josiah said later that I did give her the death stare, so at least I managed that, ha.

But I mention this because while we had some truly amazing nurses, both in labor & delivery and on the mother/baby floor, I will remember this nurse most vividly because of how angry she made me. Just goes to show that one wrong thing can be more powerful than 10 right ones. It's unfortunate, but a good life lesson to remember when we think about how we represent Christ.

Anyway, my pitocin was upped for the last time and this is when labor truly became a living hell. It felt like someone was ripping my insides out by hand and running over my pelvis with a truck for what felt like 100 times over an hour. But it was at this point where I took mind over matter and FORCED myself to relax through the most agonizing pain I have ever experienced. I remember thinking through each and every contraction that there was nothing harder I have ever done in my life. But Josiah was still there (I had asked my mom and MIL to wait outside at this point for my sake more than theirs - I didn't want them to have to watch my ultimate misery) and he was so proud and amazed over my shift in mindset. I wasn't moaning anymore, just letting my body do the work. I told myself over and over that if I just relaxed, as hard as it was, it would be less contractions I had to endure. It worked for a while, until I got to the point where I felt like I had to push and then I started yelling with every contraction. Josiah called the nurse to tell her I felt like pushing, and when she checked me, I was at 8cm. This was about 10:30. I was glad to have dilated to much more than I had over the night, but it was still too early for me to push, though I honestly couldn't control it most of the time. Josiah would breathe along with me to encourage me to not push, which made the him super lightheaded, poor guy. I was fine because I still had the oxygen mask.

The nurse came back around what I think was 11:00 and said I was 10cm and that she was going to help us get started with pushing...and thus began the series of unfortunate events (with a happy ending, don't worry!)

Part III (last one, promise!) coming soon! And by soon, I truly hope less than a week this time!